Strips

I usually only get five to ten seconds into my kidney stone stories before my boss starts running away screaming.

I imagine that'd be extra effective for a guy to try... Not the exact same effect, mind you, but you leave them stunned long enough to flee, and plant a seed of potential insanity in their mind that will make them think twice about approaching you on your way out again.

Then again, I could just be insane myself... Haven't ruled that one out yet.

Well, if a guy urges you on, you simply say that you have a small yeast infection or whatever.
That's rather stomach turning once you start to imagine the details.