STRIP FOR Mar 27, 2009

news in brief - FLASH BULLETIN - trading was stopped for any and all shares of Revalued AmeriProducts and Evaluations on the floor of AMEX two minutes before the closing bell. Federal investigators and Secret Service agents swarmed the offices of the small financial upstart like flies to fresh cow dung. Everyone inside was arrested and chained together, including a passerby who had stopped inside for a bathroom emergency. CEO Dogbert was nowhere to be found. "We have reason to believe he escaped through this portal to Heck,"says Special Agent Dumwitty,"Unfortunately we have no jurisdiction in Heck nor any extradition treaties." An unsubstantiated report has Dogbert popping his head out from a nearby manhole, barking out a disgusted"Bah!", and wagging his tail derisvely at the building before disappearing down the manhole again.
Jim Cramer reportedly tore off all his pubic hair in anguish, while muttering, "NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN!"
Shares in RAPE before trading was stopped reached USD 23.45. After the stoppage, it is alleged some traders continued doing business buying and selling RAPE outside the AMEX building, literally doing business on the curb. Shares on the curb swung wildly, going as high as USD 50.81 and trading as low as nine fifty at six o' clock when the traders stole away like Bedouins in the night.