My PHB once offered my group a bonus for achieving some milestone on time. The next day he told us that something else, for which there was no bonus, was to be our top priority. When I pointed this out, he didn't add a bonus to the "top" priority task, he just said that his point was that we should "think about our priorities."
The difference between managing and speculation seem vanishingly small. Dilbert should help the PHB to learn how to play Texas Hold'em Poker on his computer - that should keep the PHB occupied for a long time....
You want managing?
Drop everything else and start working on the "Cure for cancer not working" bug. This is top priority, so we want it fixed ASAP. I will monitor this task closely. Give me daily progress reports.
They will NEVER fire Dilbert or Wally - who would get the low-priority tasks done if they did? Wally may not do as many as Dilbert, but then Wally only has one hand to work with. Can't drop the coffee mug - someone might assume he wasn't busy and give him more work.