Boss: Dilbert, I want you to plan the team-building celebration. Make sure there is no alcohol, no dancing, no touching, no flirting, and no joking around.
Dilbert: Can we eat?
Boss: Only food that has never been near a peanut.
wally: i decided to try my hand at writing fiction. i like writing fiction because it doesn't require any research. i can literally make up a story out of nothing. i feel sorry for nonfiction writers. they have to get the facts right. but a fiction writer only has to use imagination. i can make any wild assumptions about the future that i want. boss: i asked you here to talk about your budget forecast. wally: that's what i was talking about.
Dilbert: I'm nervous about the presentation I have to give to the board. Do you have any advice?
Boss: Don't blow it, or else I'll fire you.
Dilbert: I heard it's good to imagine the audience naked.
Boss: Report yourself to H.R.