Dilbert.com by Scott Adams

Marketing Lies

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Marketing Lies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dilbert, boss, headphones, competition, meeting, marketing, lies

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Dilbert: Our new headphones product is better than the competition in every way. Boss: Excellent. I'll get marketing involved to tell a bunch of lies about all of that. Dilbert: Why would they need to lie? Boss: They're kind of set in their ways.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, engineering, government, idea, managers & supervisors, math, ocean, research, sarcasm, science, temperature, tests

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Boss: We won a government contract to measure ocean temperatures. Dilbert: Which part of the ocean? Boss: The whole ocean. Dilbert: We can't put sensors everywhere in the ocean. It's too big. Boss: We can measure a bunch of places and estimate the rest. Dilbert: So...you want me to measure 1% of the ocean's temperature and estimate the other 99%? I don't know how to do that. Boss: Try using math. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be cheaper to measure nothing and just estimate the whole thing? Boss: Every now and then you come up with a great idea.

Dilbert Feels Overwhelmed

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Dilbert Feels Overwhelmed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags life, office, office workers, panic, overwhelmed

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Dilbert: I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the things I need to get done. Boss: Have you tried eliminating your personal life? Dilbert: That took care of itself. Boss: Okay, that's the only idea I had.