Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't accomplish anything this year.
Dilbert: Are you insane? I completely redesigned our line of products!!!
Boss: That was mostly last year.
Dilbert: You didn't give me a raise last year because I wasn't finished until January of this year. Now you aren't giving me a raise this year because I did most of the work last year. Give me one reason I shouldn't quit right now!
Boss: Because every other company is just as bad. And you don't like change.
Dilbert: I said one reason!
Dilbert: My self-driving car quit on me.
Wally: You mean it broke down?
Dilbert: No, I mean it left a note and drove away.
Wally: Did you wax it enough?
Dilbert: I tried, but it kept moaning in a creepy way.