Dilbert: Can I have a 25% raise to get my compensation up to market levels?
Boss: No.
Dilbert: Okay. I'll just work 25% less because you won't know the difference.
Boss: I would know if you did that.
Dilbert: Should I get back to separating the zeroes from the ones in our database?
Boss: Ted, come to my office at five o'clock.
Ted: Gaaa!!! That's what you say when you plan to fire people!
Boss: Don't be ridiculous. Also, bring your keys.
Boss: The rumors of a major layoff are completely untrue.
Dilbert: Why did the facilities management people just deliver a huge load of cardboard boxes to the break room?
Boss: You can never have too many boxes.
Dilbert: Why does every box have an employee name on it?