Boss: If we raise $40,000 for charity, I will shave my head! Wally: And if we raise no money at all, I will shave my head. Boss: That's messed up. Wally: Is it?
Dilbert: What's that awful smell? Wally: My new fragrance. It's half pepper spray and half gym sock. It has a dual purpose. The pepper spray is so I can build up an immunity to it. Dilbert: That'll probably come in handy someday. Wally: Right? The second purpose is to crate an odiferous moat around me to discourage the weaker romantic applicants. Carol: Unh!!! Wally: I might need to tweak the formula.
Boss: When the managers meet to talk about promotions, I'll fight for you. Alice: Are you saying my future depends on your effectiveness and not mine? Boss: This went differently than I expected. Alice: Why?! Why?! Why?!