Dilbert.com by Scott Adams

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, hr person, evil director, bad attitude, project, corpse of misery, donated brain, gum museum, mental imbalance, clarity, irrational, employee moral festival, won meeting, business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: Your boss says you have a bad attitude. Dilbert: That's because my project is a flailing corpse of misery, and my boss donated his brain to a gum museum. If I had a good attitude in this situation, it would be a sign of a mental imbalance. My bad attitude is proof that I am thinking clearly. Are you going to compliment me on my clarity or demand I be irrational? CatBert: I'm putting you in charge of the employee morale festival. Dilbert: I have a sudden urge to grab you by the tail and beat myself to death. Catbert: That's how I know I won the meeting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags inmtern, ceo, powerpoint slides, board of directors, bonus, luck, tenuous connections, hopeful

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The Boss: Our CEO didn't understand the powerpoint slides you made for him, so he asked the board of directors for a bonus. With any luck, the bonus will incent him to try harder to understand your slides. I'm getting better at finding tenuous connections to hope.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags board of directors, underling, powerpoint, slides, preoccupied, day jobs, mistresses, bonus, meeting, ceo, all in favor, business

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CEP presents to the board of directors CEO: An underling made these powerpoint slides and I don't understand them. But it doesn't matter because all of you are too preoccupied with your day jobs and mistresses to pay attention. Who votes to give me a huge bonus just to end this meeting?" Aye Aye Aye