ELbonian: "Please help me. Your dog has enslaved my people in your basement and forced us to make running shoes!"
Dilbert: "GAAA!!! MY EYES!!!" pssst "I like to help people, but I also like inexpensive footwear."
"You might hear some noise from the basement tonight." "I got a big order for running shoes, so I'm making the Elbonians work around the clock." "Here's some pepper spray in case any of them escape."
Boss: We're going to take a page from the automaker's playbooks. Automakers prove their design skills by creating concept cars that will never go into production. Then they prove their management skills by producing cars that are less attractive than corrective underpants. Tomorrow we're holding a press conference to show the world our own concept product. Our concept product can stop global warming and wax your back at the same time.
Man: Can it actually do those things?
Boss: Why do you care?
Man: So...actually it's just a huge waste of our time.
Boss: You have a mighty low opinion of news.