Dilbert.com by Scott Adams

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"We're planning to outsource half of the department." "You can't tell anyone." "Is it true that half of the department will be outsourced?" "Before you answer, I should tell you that I've made a list..." "...of all the responses that mean the same as yes." "For example, if you say, 'Ignore the rumors,' that means yes." "Also on the list are, 'Why do you ask?' and, 'Who told you that?'" "That list is stupid." "Gaaa!!! That's number 8 on my list!!!"

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Don't feel bad if you only got a 3% raise; I only got 2% myself. "Can we feel bad that 2% of your pay is bigger than 3% of our pay?" "Don't get all mathy on me."

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"This product will leapfrog the iPod and provide pleasure to all five of your senses." "The user can download pictures, smells, tastes, and celebrity tickling patterns." "The test group preferred it over eating. They're all dead." "It has the coolness factor."