Dilbert.com by Scott Adams

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"You missed the meeting." "What meeting?" "The budget meeting that you told me to schedule." "You never told me when it was." "I sent you an e-mail." "Well, obviously you chose an uninteresting subject line." "Otherwise I would have opened it." "You're a bad e-mail sender." "I also told you in person." "Boringly?"

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"Wally, if I give you an assignment, what are the odds that you will actually do it right?" "If I put my mind to a task, I do it well." "Will you put your mind to it?" "Wow. Good follow-up question."

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The director of marketing needs an engineering resource. "I'm giving you to him because I hate his stupid guts." "What did I do to deserve this?" "Sorry I'm late. I had to drown a burrito."