Dilbert.com by Scott Adams

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What are you going to wear to Ted's wedding? "Whatever comes up in the rotation." "Then she shrieked some nonsense about spending six months shopping for shoes and started to punch me."

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"Steve, ask everyone in the department to sign this birthday card for my secretary." "I've led men in combat and this is the sort of assignment you give me???" "Also, run down to the convenience store and buy her something fluffy or orange."

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The enemy was less than fifty feet away and my only hope was to call for an air strike. "That reminds me of the time I ran out of staples and had to use glue." "And then a sniper spotted me." "My glue was bad."