"You know what's funny? I never studied engineering and I'm your boss." "In fact, I majored in...um...gosh, I don't remember." "You forgot your major?" "I don't bother remembering things I can write down."
"Wally, why isn't my e-mail working today?" "The Internet is full." "Great! Now what do I do?" "I wonder if I'm supposed to see anything when it's draining."
I got a stomach-ache during my vacation day so I'm changing it to a sick day. "Apparently there's a biological limit to how many potato chips I can eat in a 24-hour period." "And I'm taking tomorrow as a sick day too. I still have eight bags left."