"Now that our profits are improving, can I have a raise?"
"If I start giving people raises, then profits will plummet and we'll be nowhere."
"Does your bonus depend on how effectively you oppress me?"
"If you don't like it, try communism."
"When you ask me questions, I usually wave my hand and say, 'Bah!'"
"But from now on, I'll say 'why do you want to know?' And then I'll say, 'Bah!' over your answer."
"How often do you hear the phrase 'It's been nice talking to you?'"
"Not so much."
"Hey, Dilbert, what are you doing for the Ebitda today?"
"The what?"
"Ebitda means the earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation, and um... Ammonia."
"Are you sure about ammonia?"
"Why must you be so accretive?"