Dilbert.com by Scott Adams

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags psychics on televison, software testing staff, one medium, punish them

View Transcript

Transcript

"I've noticed that deadd people know a lot. They're always yapping to psychics on television." "We could kill the entire software-testing staff and replace them with one medium." "Do you see any problem with that?" "If the dead people lie, how would we punish them?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags functions to outsorce, dont do well, management, sales, quality control, core competenece, brown table startegy, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cooperate with hunt, 17 suspects, talked to reporter, email archives, phone records, linguistic patterns, punish all of them

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Corporate Witch-Hunt. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "I've narrowed the list to seventeen suspects who might have talked to that reporter." The Boss continues, "Now we'll check their e-mail archives, phone records and linguistic patterns until we identify the offender." Catbert says, "And then we can punish all of them just for being on the list." The Boss responds, "I like the way you stink."