Dilbert.com by Scott Adams

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags voluntary layoff package, ted, retirement money, start a business, kites out of waffles, worlds largest, edible kites, value opinion, option., alice

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A coworker comes into Wally's cubicle. The coworker says, "Wally, may I ask you for advice?" Wally responds, "Huh?" The coworker says, "My name is Ted. I'm planning to take the voluntary layoff package." The coworker continues, "Then I plan to use my retirement money to start a business that makes kites out of waffles!" The coworker continues, "In five years I hope to be the world's largest maker of edible kites." The coworker asks, "So, what do you think? I value your opinion." Wally responds, "Ted, who told you that I'd be a good person to ask for an opinion on your idea?" Ted replies, "Alice said it reminded her of the quality of your... ideas." He pauses and then says, "Oh." Wally and Ted are standing hostilely in Alice's cubicle. Alice exclaims, "Alice shoots for the double!!! She scores!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags trip cancelled, travel budget, contact centers, training, ignorance

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As Dilbert is walking out of the office, The Boss says to him, "Your trip is canceled." The Boss continues, "We used up the travel budget renaming our call centers to 'contact centers.'" Dilbert responds, "But I need this training." The Boss replies, "Isn't that another way of saying you're ignorant?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags on time, hourly fee, specified, wag

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The Boss says to Dogbert, "Wow! You finished the project below your estimate and on time." Dogbert holds on to his tail and thinks, "Hold..Hold..." The Boss continues, "All I need are a few changes at your hourly fee, which was never specified in our contract." Dogbert still holds his tail and thinks, "Hold... Hold... Hold..." Dogbert is standing on the table, wagging his tail profusely: "WAG!"