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Dogbert's Insult Consulting

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Dogbert's Insult Consulting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #company rules, #insulting, #co workers, #teach how, #insult, #within guidelines, #standing desk, #meeting, #employer, #business

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Dogbert consults DOgbert: Company rules forbid you from insulting your co-workers. I'll teach you how to insult each other while staying within company guidelines. The boss: That doesn't seem possible. Dogbert: you should look into getting a standing desk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #illness, #stress, #culture of consulting fiorms, #flat linig, #false larm, #graphs

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Consultant: I haven't slept since October because the culture of consulting firms is anti-health. I'm flat-lining! False alarm. I'm back. Who wants to make some graphs?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2013's comic on:


Tags #office buildings, #economic consulting, #benefits of standing

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Boss: I hired The Dogbert Ergonomic Consulting Company to tell us about the health benefits of standing. Dogbert: Standing be good. Boss: That's it? Dogbert: The topic isn't as complicated as you might think.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #executives, #meetings, #Dogbert, #consulting, #facebook, #china, #irrelevant, #breakout groups, #fantasize, #being relevant

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Dogbert Consults Dogbert: "Where does your company fit on this comprehensive list?" Facebook, China, Irrelevant Dogbert says, "Now let's form breakout groups to fantasize about being relevant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2007's comic on:


Tags #management consulatant, #consulting firm, #worthless, #managing, #consulting, #hired

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Dogbert: "You should hire me as your management consultant." Man: "We're a management consulting firm. We don't need a management consultant to consult us." Dogbert: "Are you saying that management consulting is worthless?" Man: "No, I'm saying we already know everything about management consulting." Dogbert: "How can you be so sure I can't help you when you don't know what my advice will be?" Man: "Okay, you're hired. What's your advice?" Dogbert: "Beats me. I'll have to ask my management consultant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2005's comic on:


Tags #board meeting, #outsourcing, #ceo job, #26 million, #elbonian ceo, #good guy, #consulting contract

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Board Meeting "I recommend outsourcing your CEO's job and saving the company $26 million per year." "For $4 per year you can hire an Elbonian CEO who is just as good as this guy." "Now do you understand why you should have renewed my consulting contract?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2005's comic on:


Tags #double fees, #management consulting, #outsourcing job, #india, #double fee

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I found a way to double my management consulting fees. "I recommend outsourcing your job to India." "I'll double your fee if you never say that again." WAG!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2005's comic on:


Tags #paying for consulting, #no recommendations, #feel secure, #shaping strategies, #hate you, #feel good

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"I keep paying you for consulting, but you never make any recommendations." "I'm what you call a "feel good."" "My job is to make you feel secure in the knowledge that someone brilliant is shaping your strategies." "This is weird; I hate you, but at the same time I feel good." "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2005's comic on:


Tags #bill for consulting, #past year, #all in head, #recommendation, #status quo, #everything right

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Dogbert: Here's my bill for the consulting work I've done for you over the past year. The Boss: "What consulting? I haven't seen any reports." Dogbert: "I did it all in my head. I don't like to waste paper." The Boss: "What's your recommendation?" Dogbert: "Status Quo. You're doing everything right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #science of fengshui, #technical merits, #witch doctor, #astrologer, #cutomer

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Visiting a customer "Our office was designed with the science of Feng Shui." "Should I describe the technical merits of our product or will you be consulting with a witch doctor?" "Oops. Sorry. That one snuck up on me." "He's an astrologer, not at witch doctor."