Search Results for "empty life"

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Sarcasm Empty Vessel

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Sarcasm Empty Vessel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2019's comic on:


Tags #jokes, #office workers, #sarcasm, #millennial, #smartphone

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Man: Wow, that's a great idea. Let's just do that! LOL! Dilbert: I've noticed that you are nothing but an empty vessel for transporting sarcasm. Man: Oooh! I'm such an empty vessel! LOL! Dilbert: I don't know what to do with all of this.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #business, #criticism, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #office workers

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Asok: I'm thinking of getting a degree in business and moving onto the management track. Is it fun being a boss? Boss: It's the best! I haven't done anything hard since the day I got this job. I mostly just criticize idiots all day long. It's as if the company is paying me to do my hobby. Speaking of pay, my salary is about triple your pay. Asok: Is there any downside? Boss: I had a lot of guilt at first. Asok: It must have been awful. Boss: Yes, it was the longest ten minutes of my life.

Glass Is Half Full

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Glass Is Half Full - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #glass, #half empty, #half full, #the engineer, #pie hole

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The Boss: A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says it is half full. Dilbert: The engineer says the glass is too big. The Boss: The manager says the engineer should shut his pie hole.

Reincarnation Advice

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Reincarnation Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #motivation, #reincarnation, #death, #fussiness, #medical

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Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.

Dogbert Sells Life Advice

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Dogbert Sells Life Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #motivation, #meaning, #existentialism

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Asok: How do I find meaning in my life? Dogbert: Nothing has meaning. The best you can do is postpone your own lonely and painful death. Asok: Are you saying I should take care of my health? Dogbert: What answer gets me the best review on Yelp?!

Boring And Needy Children

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Boring And Needy Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #parents, #mother, #interview, #children, #annoyance, #work-life balance, #Family

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Boss: Do you enjoy spending time with your children? Woman: No, they're boring and needy. They can't even hold a conversation. If I'm being honest, I prefer working long hours so I see less of them. Boss: Perfect. You're hired. Woman: I mean, I love them, but I don't like them.

Value Of An Employee's Life

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Value Of An Employee's Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical

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Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!

Millenial Fever

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Millenial Fever - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #millennial, #positive reinforcement, #praise, #meaning, #purpose

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Dilbert: I got millennial fever from talking to a millennial. Now I see my job as a meaningless series of empty tasks. Catbert: What do you expect me to do about that? Dilbert: I was hoping for some praise.

Listening To A Millenial

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Listening To A Millenial - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #millennial, #malaise, #melancholy

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Dilbert: I didn't accomplish anything this week because I made the mistake of talking to a millennial. It sucked the ambition out of me. Now I'm nothing but an empty husk of pain and pointlessness. Boss: Walk it off. Dilbert: I need a job that pays me for listening to my favorite music.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #my value, #new assignments, #projects, #slow walker, #rivals in management

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The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker. Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails. The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful. All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy. Wally: Its about time you recognized my value. Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life. The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments. You're supposed to be here two hours ago. Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?