Search Results for "team"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #test, #scripts, #software, #project, #hardware, #tests, #version, #final, #release, #volunteering, #testing, #player

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The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.

Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless

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Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #team, #meeting, #lazy, #useless, #propose, #marinate, #bile, #raise, #hands, #grunt

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Dilbert: Everyone on this team except me is lazy and useless. I propose that I do all of the work for the team. While the rest of you marinate in your own bile. All in

Everyone Else Is Worthless

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Everyone Else Is Worthless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #fire, #pawn, #problems, #project, #the boss, #useless, #work

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The Boss: I'm adding you to the network upgrade project. Everyone else on the team is lazy and useless, so I need you to do all of their work. Dilbert: Maybe you should fire them. The Boss: Don't try to pawn off your problems on me.

Everyone Says You Disagree With Everything

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Everyone Says You Disagree With Everything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #accusation, #catch-22, #rebuttal, #defensive

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Boss: Everyone says you aren't being a team player because you keep disagreeing with everything. Dilbert: Everyone does not say that, and I don't disagree with everything. Boss: There you go again. You'd be a terrible lawyer. Dilbert: Thank you.

Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team

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Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses

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Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #berating, #yelling, #gaslight, #temper, #anger, #frustration

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Asok: What's that gadget? Woman: Are you freakin' serious? Asok: Yes. Woman: Oh... My... God. Do you not remember the long discussion about this thing in the last meeting? Are you trying to gaslight me? I have not patience for trolls! Eat dirt and die! Asok: I joined the project today. This is my first meeting. Woman: Liar! Dilbert: Welcome to the team.

The Losing Team

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The Losing Team  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #blockchain, #training, #improvement, #legacy, #education, #skills

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Dilbert: I'd like to work on our blockchain project to keep my skills updated. Boss: I need you to be a team player and maintain our legacy systems until your technical skills become obsolete. Dilbert: What kind of team is that? Boss: You'll be on the losing team.

Team Building Dance

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Team Building Dance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #team-building, #dance, #rules, #restrictions, #Fun

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Boss: This year's team-building event will be a dance. No alcohol will be served. The event is for employees only, and you're not allowed to touch each other. Have a great time. Dilbert: How?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #team, #teamwork, #collaboration, #excuses, #group project, #business

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Dilbert: Thank you all for coming. I'm hoping we can make a lot of progress in the next hour. Alice; I didn't get any sleep last night, so don't expect much from me. Asok: I'm so hungry I can barely think. Man 1: I might be a bit distracted today because my wife told me she wants to leave me. Wally: I can't stay for the whole meeting. I have another thing in a few minutes Man 2: I'm only here to sabotage your project because I can't abide the success of others. Dilbert; Why don't all of you leave now and I'll make all the decisions myself. Boss: How'd the team meeting go? Dilbert: Better than I expected.

Team Building Lunch

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Team Building Lunch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #lunch, #team, #teamwork, #team-building, #business

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Dilbert: Is everyone ready to go to lunch yet? I've been waiting for ninety minutes. Alice: We just got back. No one noticed you weren't with us. Dogbert: How was your team-building lunch? Dilbert: Suboptimal.