You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 366

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2012's comic on:

Tags #gadgets, #pizza, #mens room, #ipad, #newspaper, #pizza delivery, #Entertainment

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Have you seen Wally? Dilbert: He's been in the men's room for two days. He used to leave when he was done reading the paper, but he switched to an iPad and now he doesn't know when he's finished. Alice: He has to come out to eat. Pizza Guy: I have a pizza for the third stall.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2012's comic on:

Tags #delusional sociopath, #executives, #gardener, #goat writing autobiograohy, #hallucinations, #hard work, #intuition, #magical thinking, #non-fiction, #vision, #regrets

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I finished ghostwriting your autobiography. CEO: "I was ridiculously lucky. The End." I was hoping you'd include something about all of my hard work. Dogbert: You didn't work any harder than your gardener, and he lives in his truck. CEO: What about my vision and intuition? Dogbert: My first draft had a chapter on your hallucinations and magical thinking. But I covered that ground with the title: "I'm A Delusional Sociopath And You Can Too." CEO: I'm starting to regret paying you in advance.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2012's comic on:

Tags #executives, #managers & supervisors, #reorganizing, #overthinking, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I'm reorganizing the company and giving every manager a new job. Boss: Why? CEO: You're over-thinking it.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2012's comic on:

Tags #anger, #Games, #aggressive recently, #testosterone, #trivia contest, #useless worm

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I've been aggressive recently. Wally: I haven't noticed. Dilbert: I think my testosterone is all jacked up because I won the company's online trivia contest. Not get out of my way, useless worm. Wally: Okay, I'm starting to see it.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2012's comic on:

Tags #annoyance, #bullying co workers, #friendly suggestions, #looks like bullying, #schedule time, #waste time

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I got a report that you've been bullying co-workers. Dilbert: That's dumb. I make friendly suggestions about how people could waste less of my time and it looks like bullying. Catbert: Let's schedule a time to talk more about this. Dilbert: Or-- just a friendly suggestion-- you could not waste my freakin' time.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2012's comic on:

Tags #anger, #meetings, #more assertive, #wishing death, #dial back, #shouting, #miserable

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Asok, I need to teach you to be more assertive in meetings. Asok: You're a miserable human being and I hope you die in a long, painful way! Boss: Dial it back a little. Asok: I hope you die quickly?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2012's comic on:

Tags #christmas, #christmas presents, #absolutely nothing, #guilty, #nothing to unwrap, #clutter, #return, #assemble, #holiday

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Merry Christmas. I got you the gift of absolutely nothing. Nothing to unwrap, nothing to clutter the house, nothing to return, nothing to assemble, and not a single thing to feel guilty about. Dilbert: You totally get me. Dogbert: It was the least I could do.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2012's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #ad company, #deceptive and abusive, #mobile app, #crying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired the Dogbert Ad Company to build some deceptive and abusive ads for our mobile app. Dogbert: I prefer to call our ads "effective." It means the same thing. Our most effective ad looks like a text message from your doctor saying he can't stop crying.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2012's comic on:

Tags #fear, #managers & supervisors, #snake, #cublicle, #culture of fear, #motivate, #short term, #first step, #urinals, #electrified, #office plant, #pain, #tactics, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Boss: Did you find the snake in your cubicle? Dilbert: What the...? Boss: I put it there because I'm trying to motivate you with a culture of fear. Dilbert: That only works in the short term! Boss: A leader takes the first step without knowing where the next step will be. So get to work, and by they way, one of the urinals is electrified. It's only set to stun, so don't be a baby about it. Wally: His office plant is clear.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 2012's comic on:

Tags #frustration, #worms, #bad apple, #ruining everyone, #walk it off, #contagious

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The bad apple you hired is ruining the rest of us. Boss: Just walk it off, you big baby. I want solutions, not problems. Ouch! Stupid bad apple! Dilbert: Walk it off.