January 2019 Comic Strips - Page 2

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Very Smart Phd

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Very Smart Phd - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags education, intelligence, office workers, sarcasm

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Man: Hi. I'm very smart, but I don't know how to do anything. Dilbert: Where did you get your PH.D.? Man: I didn't say I have a PH.D. Dilbert: You kinda did.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoyance, insults, office, office workers, people, sarcasm, introvert, coworkers

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Tina: Sometimes it seems as if you don't like me. Dilbert: Don't be ridiculous. I'm just an introvert. Being around people drains my energy. I only avoid you because spending five minutes with you feels like being buried alive. With fleas instead of dirt. Tina: So...it isn't personal? Dilbert: I need a nap.

Why Didn't You Do It Sooner

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Why Didn't You Do It Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, managers & supervisors, motivation, office workers, problem

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Dilbert: I solved our server reliability problem. Boss: Why didn't you do it sooner? Dilbert: If you see my motivation anywhere, tell it I miss it.

Did Not Know About The Server

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Did Not Know About The Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, excuses, irritation, managers & supervisors, office workers

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Boss: It's been six months now and you still haven't fixed our server issue. Dilbert: I didn't know we had a server issue. Boss: That's no excuse. Dilbert: Actually, it's kind of a good excuse. Boss: Now you're making excuses for your excuses!

Sarcasm Empty Vessel

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Sarcasm Empty Vessel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jokes, office workers, sarcasm, millennial, smartphone

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Man: Wow, that's a great idea. Let's just do that! LOL! Dilbert: I've noticed that you are nothing but an empty vessel for transporting sarcasm. Man: Oooh! I'm such an empty vessel! LOL! Dilbert: I don't know what to do with all of this.

Hiring A Millennial

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Hiring A Millennial - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, office workers, sarcasm, smartphone, generation, millennial

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Boss: I hired a millennial who was raised by smartphones. He won't make eye contact, and we don't expect him to ever mate. Dilbert: Can he speak? Boss: Yes, but only with sarcasm.

More Accurate Job Description

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More Accurate Job Description - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags distraction, frustration, jobs, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm

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Dilbert: I updated my job description to be more accurate. Boss: "I try to do something and then I get interrupted a jillion times until the thing no longer matters." Sounds like you need some extra micro-managing. Dilbert: I have to take this call.

Job Is 98 Percent Interruption

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Job Is 98 Percent Interruption  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags distraction, engineering, frustrated, jobs, office workers, listen

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Alice: My job is 2% work and 98% getting interrupted. I can't focus long enough to finish anything. Dilbert: Are you done? I'm trying to work. Alice: You're a bad listener.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boredom, panic, technology, smartphone, thoughts

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Dilbert: I'm turning off my digital devices so I can spend some time with my thoughts. Dogbert: That sounds like a terrible idea. Do you remember what your quiet thoughts were like? Dilbert: Not really. But how bad could it be? This isn't so bad. Just a bit boring. Five minutes later. Dilbert: I'm getting the shakes. The boredom has metastasized. Gaaaa!!! The boredom is overwhelming! Kill me! Kill me! Dogbert: Maybe you should have tried being with people. Dilbert: It was already bad enough.

Ai Too Stupid To Be Dangerous

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Ai Too Stupid To Be Dangerous - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags intelligence, inventions, robot, technology, Lottery, humans, smart

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Wally: Are you worried that the A.I. you created will take over the world? Dilbert: No, I modeled it after human intelligence so it won't be smart enough. Robot: Buwhahahahaha! I will buy lottery tickets and use my winnings to take over the world! Asok: Good luck.