January 2003 Comic Strips - Page 3

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags funding, continuous harping, expensive consultant, analyze budget, chaos, complexity, simulations

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "In response to your continuous harping about not having enough funding.." The Boss is joined by another man. The Boss continues, "I hired an expensive consultant to analyze your budget." The consultant says to Dilbert, "I'll have to run some chaos and complexity simulations, but it looks as if you need more money."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags visibuddy, mindless replica, increases visibility, golf, nice guy, invention, fake clone, robot, Sports

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Dilbert fastens the head atop a robot of himself. He says to Dilbert, "I call my invention the 'Visibuddy.'" Dilbert continues, "It's a mindless replica that can attend meeting and increase my visibility." The Visibuddy, The Boss, and Dilbert are in a meeting. The Visibuddy asks The Boss, "Am I working hard or hardly working? Do you golf?" The Boss thinks, "Nice guy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags excellent visibility, secret, created mindless replica, totally real

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Dilbert and his Visibuddy are both sitting at one computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Your visibility has been excellent lately. What's your secret?" Dilbert turns and responds, "I created a mindless replica to attend meetings. He has no personality whatsoever." The Boss exclaims, "Wow! You look totally real." The Visibuddy responds, " Hee hee! Burn, dude."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cat show, clothing, date, good listener, mindless replica, uninteresting stories

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A female coworker asks Dilbert, "Would it be okay if I asked your mindless replica for a date?" The coworker continues, "I'm full of uninteresting stories and I need a guy who's a good listener." The coworker and the Visibuddy are at dinner. The coworker says, "Now I'll describe the clothing of each person at the cat show." The Visibuddy hits himself in the head with a fork, "Thunk!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags self evaluation, performance review, core values, honesty, integrity, Wally, dishonest

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The Boss: I need your self evaluation so I can write your performance review. Remember to rate yourself on our core values of honesty and integrity. Wally claims he did no work this year. But he's so dishonest , so you can't be sure.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags eat, headquarters, misunderstand, mouth, need shreded, shredder

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The Boss: all shredders are nbeing centralized at our corporate headquarters. If you need something shredded, give it to ask. Dilbert: dude, I think he meant you would take it to the shredders. Asok: mouth....so...dry

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, mulitask, one person, schedule, second task, two task, write a patch, timeline

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The Boss: How do I make this software schedule one persons to two task at the same time? I can write a patch that inserts new months in the timeline. The Boss: and the second task is due on the fifteenth of Floopuary.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, delight, lower pay, new member, project team, shirt backwards

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The Boss introduces a coworker to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I got a new member for your project team." The coworker extends his hand and says, "My name is Ron but everyone calls me Mo. I don't know why." Dilbert asks, "Mo, why is your shirt on backward?" Mo looks down and exclaims, "What??! Again??!" Mo extends his arms and says, "Stand back. I'll try to fix it by quickly turning around." Mo spins and exclaims, "Aaagh! Hu-aah!" Mo is turned away from Dilbert. Mo says, "Oh, great. Now Dilbert is gone. I must have entered another dimension." Dilbert looks at Mo from behind, puzzled. Dilbert approaches The Boss and says, "Please tell me that his pay is lower than mine." The Boss grins and thinks, "I love this part."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil, great idea, ignorant and worthless, manage budgets, poorly conceived, project managers, pummel with fists

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Asok enters The Boss' office and says, "I thought of a great idea." Asok continues, "You could let the project managers manage their own budgets... What?" Asok starts to look scared. He says, "You're giving me a look. I must try to guess what it means." Asok continues, "We don't do things that way? If it were a good idea you'd already be doing it?" Asok clutches his tie in fear and continues, "My ideas are poorly conceived?! I can't see the big picture?" Asok jumps back and exclaims, "Gaaa!!! I am ignorant and worthless!!" Asok punches himself in the face and exclaims, "I must pummel myself with my own tiny fists!!" He cries, "Ow! Ow!" Afterwards, The Boss says to Catbert, "They're kinda self-managed now." Catbert responds, "Very evil: I purr in your general direction."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags despartment, normal scope, over loaded, flexible, client driven, outside of scope, avoid projects, cheerfully accept assignments

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A business associate asks The Boss, "Can your department do this for us?" The Boss responds, "No problem." The business associate says, "Really? It's outside of your normal scope of work and I know you're over-loaded." The Boss exclaims, "We're a flexible, client-driven organization!" Asok asks Wally, "Wally, how can I avoid projects that are outside of my scope of responsibility?" Wally responds, "Cheerfully accept the assignments and then never work on them." Wally continues, "It bolsters your claims of being overloaded while leaving you free for work that matters." Asok asks, "Work matters?" Wally replies, "Well, not to us." The Boss hands Asok an assignment and says, "I'm not even sure what they want." Asok responds, "I'll start ignoring it immediately."