January 2005 Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags astonishing incompetence, stars of project, issues

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Alice, what's the status of your project?" Alice: "The astonishing incompetence of others caused me to jump through a window and land in a dumpster." The Boss: "So then, no issues?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags writer, tech term, dongle, emailing, loser

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: "GAAA!!! This writer misused the technical term "dongle." That idiot!" "I'm e-mailing this loser to tell him I plan to boycot the newspaper!" "DIE, LOSER, DIE!!!" "I'll come back later."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags scathing letter, coulmnist, dongle, vebal superiority, feel alive, dear nutbag

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I just fired off a scathing letter to a columnist for misusing the word "dongle". Im intoxicated with the feeling of verbal superiority. My sad life has meaning , I feel alive! The columnist: Dear Nutbag, Thanks for the input, Heres a link yo a dictionary, I await your apology

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags response to letter, apologize, admits error, starting war, mean spirit, hating minorities

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: "Hey, I got a response from the newspaper columnist I reamed for misusing the word "dongle."" ""Dear Nutbag... Link to a dictionary..." Um... Oops... It appears that I was wrong." "Now do you apologize?" "Plan B: I accuse him of hating minorities."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags broken promises, scammers, lies, vendor, salesman, telling lies, deadlines, software, few extras, unfinished features, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Vendor: We'll build your software with all the features you want plus a few extras. Dilbert: "Or maybe you'll start late and claim there's no way to do everything by the deadline." "Then you'll say that the unfinished features aren't important and you're losing money on the deal." Vendor: "I can't hear you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags eating at desk, furry log, stealing from company

View Transcript

Transcript

CatBert: "Eating at your desk is like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice: "I'm working through my lunch hour, you furry log." Catbert: "Furry log?" Alice: "It's a term of endearment."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags weekly wally report, worthless iput, harmful advice, ignored email, priorities, my budget estimates, any success, format

View Transcript

Transcript

"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags upgrade computer, non standard equipment, cubicle, den, non stardard, onitor, healing, clense, upgraded computer, abacus

View Transcript

Transcript

I asked the I.T. department to upgrade my computer. "They're coming here??!" "We must hide our non-standard equipment!" "Uh-oh." "So-o-o... this den of non-standardization must be your cubicle." "This non-standard printer is coming with me. And I don't remember that monitor on our list." "I must cleanse your cubicle of non-conformancce so the healing can begin." "Surely my upgraded computer will arrive soon." Months later "Abacus?" "Please shut up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags certified massage therapist, clicking, every week, few minutes, lengthy questionarie, one hand, pen pal, used pen

View Transcript

Transcript

Certified Massage Therapist "Fill out this lengthy medical questionnaire." "That'll save me a few minutes of touching him." "I wonder if he'd know if I only used one hand." "Actually, how would he even know if it's a hand?" "Maybe I have an object here that feels like a hand." "This ballpoint pen will work." "I'm finding some tension here. Okay, it's gone now." "She says I should come back every week until my muscles stop clicking." "Sounds like you found a pen pal."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags change is good, triple pay, meeting, work for free, change can be bad, slogans, logic, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "You must learn that change is good." Change is :) "Any questoins?" Wally: "Who wants this one?" Dilbert: "I got it." "Question: Why don't you triple our pay? That would be a change." The Boss: "That would not be in the best interst of shareholders." Dilbert: "Okay, why don't you work for free? That's a change that's good for shareholders." "Or would it be better to admit that change can be very bad?" Wally: "My favorite part was when he yelled, "Stop ruining my slogans with your logic!"" Dilbert: "Snort hee-hee!!!"