January 2021 Comic Strips
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Character
Friday January 01,
2021
Cock Fights
Tags business, business ethics, audit, disturbing, results, sales, department, cockfight, invitation, rooster
Transcript
dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered many disturbing things. for example, did you know that the sales department holds cockfights on the third floor every tuesday? boss: why have i never been invited? dogbert: you're not a rooster.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday January 02,
2021
Audit Blackmail
Tags business ethics, business, audit, software, blackmail, free, network, money, dollars
Transcript
dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered a number of software vulnerabilities. for example, a blackmailer could take control of your network and make you pay a billion dollars to get it back. ceo: good work. what do we owe you? dogbert: the audit is free. i only did it to find ways to blackmail you.
Monday January 04,
2021
Loser Dna
Tags business, performance, review, dna, lying, test, impossible
Transcript
catbird: from now on, your performance reviews will be based on your dna alone. your boss can't tell when you are lying about you accomplishments, but a simple test can tell me if you have loser dna. dilbert: i don't believe that is possible. catbird: that response is how i know you have it your test is done.
Tuesday January 05,
2021
Dna Says Wally Will Steal
Tags business, psychology, dna, steal, office supplies, junk, science, experts, listen
Transcript
Catbert: wally, according to your dna, the odds of you stealing office supplies later this week are nearly 100%. wally: that sounds like junk science. catbert to boss: he refuses to listen to experts.
Wednesday January 06,
2021
They Said You'd Say That
Tags business, office workers, government, bald, people, camps, internment camp, believe, false
Transcript
tina: i saw on the news that the government plans to round up all bald people and out them in camps. wally: you should be embarrassed for believing a story so obviously false. tina: they said you'd say that.
Thursday January 07,
2021
Incoming Message
Tags distraction, technology, business, text, message, phone, respond
Transcript
dilbert: ...so what we need to do... phone on table: ding dilbert: okay, now you're only pretending to listen to me because your mind is on that incoming text message. would you like to look at it and respond? alice: only if you don't think you can wrap this up in fifteen seconds or so.
Friday January 08,
2021
Sales To Elbonia
Tags business, government policy, sales, sale, elbonia, government, ban, accomplices
Transcript
boss: i'm happy to announce that we just made a huge sale in elbonia. dilbert: are you aware that last week our government banned all sales to elbonia? boss: before you go blabbing that all over the place remember that all of you are accomplices.
Saturday January 09,
2021
Bribe One Judge
Tags business, business ethics, consumer, lawsuit, assignment, judge, bribe, lawyer, insult
Transcript
dogbert to boss: you have over seven hundred consumer lawsuits filed against you. if i can get them all assigned to the same judge, you only have to bribe one person. boss: are you even a lawyer? dogbert: heavens, no, and i didn't come here to be insulted.
Monday January 11,
2021
Keyboard Upgrades
Tags business, sarcasm, technology, keyboard, design, keys, better, hard, software, upgrades
Transcript
dilbert: i have an idea for a keyboard design that we upgrade every six months by rearranging where the keys are. boss: why would we do that? dilbert: to make it better. boss: that would only make it harder to use. dilbert: exactly like our software upgrades. what's your point?
Tuesday January 12,
2021
The Moron Option
Tags business, technology, corporate rule, vendor, accounts receivable, 30 days, pay, payment, exception, moron
Transcript
dilbert: our corporate rule is that we won't do business with any vendor who does not give us at least 30 days to pay. dilbert: but we can get the same product for half the price if we go with the vendor who wants payment immediately. should we make an obvious exception here or be morons? boss: i think you're under-valuing the moron options.

