January 1994 Comic Strips
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Character
Saturday January 01,
1994
Tags #making film, #pretending, #kiss, #girl friend, #hug, #Dogbert, #mother, #send film, #stop worry, #Family
Transcript
"Mmm...Oh, Dilbert! Mmm...!" "Cut!" "Do you really think this will make Mom stop worrying about me?" "Only if you raise your voice for the 'Mmm' part."
Sunday January 02,
1994
Tags #brain overload, #experiences perceived, #garbageman, #illusions, #inability to percieve, #paths, #physics, #possibility, #rat can't conceive, #rats, #time and motion
Transcript
Ratbert: What is reality, mister garbage man? Garbage man: are you sure you're ready for that, Ratbert? Ratbert: My mind is a blank slate! Garbageman: Okay...time and motion are just illusions created by your inability to perceive everything at once. Everything that is possible as a path you simply choose the path you wish to perceive. Th only things you can't change are the experiences you've already perceived. Ratbert: My head hurts. Garbageman: The contents of a garbage can are determined by what path I choose to perceive, not by what somebody else chose to discard. Ratbert: Brain overload! Hey theres a new VCR in here! Garbageman: Cmon, Im expecting some great videos in the Obriens can.
Monday January 03,
1994
Tags #transferred, #marketing, #slaps employee, #groggy, #disoriented, #fit in better, #business
Transcript
The Boss: Im sorry Dave, But your being transferred to marketing and theres no budget to train you as a marketer. Slap! Dave: where am I? I need a drink. The Boss: This is a temporary fix...but you'll fit in now.
Tuesday January 04,
1994
Tags #organization chart, #management, #bottom, #most important employees, #payed least, #upside down chart
Transcript
The Boss: We've redesigned the organization chart to show management at the BOTTOM supporting our most important employees! Dilbert: Question: why do the most important employees get payed the least? The Boss; Because they would never think of ideas like this upside- down chart concept.
Wednesday January 05,
1994
Tags #no raises, #promotions, #job titles, #named beverly
Transcript
The Boss: We're flattening the organization to eliminate levels and put everybody in a wide salary band. Now instead of not getting a promotion. you'll only not get a raise, wally: So what job title do we use? The Boss: You'll all be named Beverly.
Thursday January 06,
1994
Tags #boss brain, #profitable, #cut costs, #selling products
Transcript
"The boss's brain." "Hummm." "Theoretically, if I cut costs enough we'll be profitable without selling any products." "How do they get the ink in these things?"
Friday January 07,
1994
Tags #leaving compnay, #opportunites, #key pharses, #we regret, #years of service, #footnote
Transcript
The Boss: "Tim will be leaving the company to pursue other opportunities." "Note the absence of key phrases such as 'we regret' or 'years of dedicated service.' And notice that his new opportunity is not called 'exciting'." Dilbert: "I think you're reading a little too much into that announcement." The Boss: "No, I'm reading the footnote."
Saturday January 08,
1994
Tags #shot from cannon, #building, #crash window, #lands on desk, #Dilbert, #travel budget cuts, #primitive, #begs for busfare
Transcript
Boom! CRASH! I hear your company is trimming travel budgets. Dilbert: Can anyone lend me bus fare to get home?
Sunday January 09,
1994
Tags #personal life, #engineering project, #mission, #find girlfreind, #feasible alternatives, #calculate attractiveness, #buying power, #attractive baboon, #face transplant
Transcript
Dilbert: "Maybe I should approach my personal life as if it were an engineering project." Dogbert: "What is the mission of this project?" Dilbert: "Find a girlfriend!" Dogbert: "Good. Now consider the feasible alternatives." Dilbert: "Define 'feasible'." Dogbert: "Never mind, let's move on." Dogbert: "Now let's calculate your attractiveness ratio so we can narrow the field of girlfriend options." Dogbert: "Let's see...your buying power narrows the choices to a woman who just got a face transplant from a baboon." Dilbert: "Maybe it was an attractive baboon. I should call her." Dogbert: "Somewhere between desire and engineering lies stupidity."
Monday January 10,
1994
Tags #sharing meeting, #project, #pathetic series, #poorly planned, #random acts, #emotional desparation, #things are fine, #need a hug
Transcript
The Boss: "Let's go around the table and give an update on each of our projects." Man: "My project is a pathetic series of poorly planned, near-random acts. My life is a tragedy of emotional desperation." The boss: "It's more or less customary to say things are going fine." Man: "I think I need a hug."