October 2018 Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, man, criticizing, face, head, arrogance, toxic, personality, garbage, plague, legs, truth, power, behind, back

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I heard you were criticizing me behind my back. Try saying those things to my face! Dilbert: Okay. You're a hot-headed know-nothing who uses his arrogance to mask his total lack of talent. You ruin every meeting with your toxic personality. Every project you touch turns to garbage you're like a plague with legs. Man: Okay... That was harsh, but I respect you for speaking truth to power. Dilbert: You don't have any power. Man: Maybe it's better if you talk behind my back.

Use Company Products

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Use Company Products - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, Wally, asok, alice, attention, products, required, use, bad, sign

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: It has come to my attention that none of you use the products we make. From now on you are all required to use our products. Asok: Aaaarg!!! Dilbert: Shoot me. The Boss: That's a bad sign. Wally: Nooo!!!

Death In The Family

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Death In The Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, Catbert, death, Family, dies, specific

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Can I take time off for a death in the family? Catbert: Well, it depends who dies. Carol: Can you be more specific? Catbert: It has to be you.

Slavery Or Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Slavery Or Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Wally, Dilbert, alice, succeed, nitpick, slavery, choice

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We can only succeed if every one of you gives one hundred percent. Wally: I don't mean to nitpick, but wouldn't that technically be slavery? The Boss: No, because you have a choice. Wally: Didn't you just say the other choice is failure?

Bias For Action

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bias For Action - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, waste, time, thought, chairs, meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We need to have a bias for action! Alice: Good idea. This meeting is a total waste of time. The Boss: I probably should have thought that through.

Do What Is Right

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Do What Is Right - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, stupid, punish, hypothetically, Right

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Hypothetically, if my boss told me to do something stupid, should I do it? The Boss: You should do what you know is right. Dilbert: Oh, good. The Boss: And then your boss should punish you for doing it.

Spending The Company's Money

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Spending The Company's Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, price, high, ted, company, money, live, die, minute, sense

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: This price is too high. Ted: Why do you care? You're spending the company's money, not your own. And the company doesn't care if you live or die. Dilbert: Give me a minutes to think of why that doesn't make sense. Ted: Take as long as you need.

Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, Dilbert, printer, work, priorities, yammering

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I can't get the printer to work can you help? Dilbert: Sure, I'll be there as soon as I finish my twenty-seven tasks that are all higher priorities. Carol: How long will that take? Dilbert: I got three new tasks while you were here yammering.

Boss Acts Interested

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Acts Interested - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, single, childless, article, productive, kick

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: How's your family? Dilbert: I'm still single and childless. Are you acting interested in me because you saw an article saying it would make me more productive? The Boss: Apparently it doesn't kick in right away.

Dogbert The Insultant

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Insultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, business, insultant, journal, week, fat, stupid, question, list

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the business insultant. Dogbert: Make a journal of everything you do for a week. Then stop doing everything that is on your list because it's making you fat and stupid. The Boss: I have some questions. Dogbert: Add "asks questions" to your list.