October 1996 Comic Strips - Page 3
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Character
Friday October 25,
1996
Tags Catbert, evil hr director, too busy, forty hours training
Transcript
Wally sits at his desk. Catbert says, "Wally, you've been too busy to get the required forty hours of training this year." Catbert continues, "So I hired a contract employee to help you out." Wally asks, "When does he start?" Catbert replies, "Yesterday. He already finished eight hours of your training."
Saturday October 26,
1996
Tags manager, actual work, decisons, prodcue, carbon dioxide
Transcript
The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "I'm a manager, so I don't do actual work . . ." The Boss thinks, "And all the decisions are made above me." The Boss says to his secretary, "Carole, tell me again what I produce." Carol replies, "Carbon dioxide. Our plants would need that if they weren't plastic."
Monday October 28,
1996
Tags Catbert, evil hr director, like about work, making popcorn, microwave, pretend tow ork, body language, popcorn priviledges
Transcript
Wally sits at his desk. Catbert says, "Hey, Wally, is there anything you still like about working here?" Wally replies, "Um . . . I like making popcorn in the microwave and eating it while I pretend to work." Wally says, "Your body language tells me that something evil is going to happen to my popcorn privileges." Catbert sits on the monitor and thinks, "I love my job."
Tuesday October 29,
1996
Tags Catbert, evil hr director, all employees, smell of popcron, unprofessional, banning popcorn, tobacco, perfum, Wally
Transcript
Catbert stands on his desk chair and types, "To: All Employees. The smell of popcorn in the office is unprofessional . . ." Wally and Alice read the e-mail message and Alice says, "He's banning popcorn! First it was tobacco, then perfume, now this . . . There's only one pollutant left." Catbert types, ". . . This brings me to the unpleasant subject of Wally . . ."
Wednesday October 30,
1996
Tags award, tim, incredible accomplishments, two years stonewalling, hired
Transcript
The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "This award goes to Tim for his incredible accomplishment." The Boss hands Tim an award and says, "After two years of stonewalling all progress, Tim finally agreed to do the work for which he was hired." The Boss continues, "We look forward to working with Tim in the coming year." Tim says, "As if I'd have time for that."
Thursday October 31,
1996
Tags next award, exceptional work, worked evenings, incompetence, full plate
Transcript
The Boss says, "This next award goes to Kim for her exceptional work." The Boss continues, "Kim worked evenings and weekends to fix the problems that were caused by her own incompetence." The Boss continues, "And it looks like Kim has a full plate for the coming year, too." Kim looks at the plaque and asks, "Which side faces the wall?"
Wednesday October 02,
1996
Tags complaining, document, office supplies, out of ink, person who asked, requirement, supply cabinet
Transcript
Dilbert: Carolf, I need yo document your procedure for ordering office supplies. Its and ISO 9000 requirement. Carol: If someone asks for something, I check first the supply cabinet first. Then I say, "Theres one left You can't have it because then we'd be all out" Carol: Then I spend the rest of the day complaining about the person who asked. Dilbert: Uh - Oh....Im out of ink.
Sunday October 06,
1996
Tags special achievement award, does something good, don't think so, giving themselves awards, other departments, lower standards, standing in hallway, tried door knob
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Nobody has nominated a co-worker for a special achievement award." The Boss continues, "Someone in this group must have done SOMETHING good this year." Wally says, "No . . . I don't think so." Dilbert says, "We'd remember something like that." The Boss says, "This looks bad. All the other departments are giving themselves awards." The Boss says, "We might have to lower our standards a bit." Alice says, "I've been proactive in that area." The Boss asks, "Why are we standing in the hallway?" Wally replies, "We think the room is locked." Dilbert says, "We don't have the key." The caption says, "Later that month." The Boss hands Alice an award and says, "This award goes to Alice for boldly trying the door knob." Alice says, "When I find out who nominated me . . ."
Sunday October 13,
1996
Tags meets expectations, review, two percent raise, eighty hour week, three patents, make millions, donated bone marrow, attendece problem, cheated on money, alice, take advantage, cheap, scammed
Transcript
The Boss sits at his desk and says, "Alice, your performance this year is 'meets expectations.' You get a two percent raise." Alice looks shocked and says, "MEETS EXPECTATIONS?! I worked eighty hours every week!" The Boss replies, "Yeah . . . Well, I expected that." Alice yells, "I earned three patents this year! The company will make millions!!" The Boss says, "Really? Wow. I mean . . . I expected that too." Alice clenches her teeth and shouts, "I donated bone marrow to our biggest customer!!! Twice!!!" The Boss replies, "I noted that under 'attendance problem.'" Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice leans on the table and covers her face. Dilbert tells her, "I told you the bone marrow thing would haunt you." Wally says, "I'm starting to think the time I worked through lunch was for nothing."
Sunday October 20,
1996
Tags right on plan, project, bad idea, senior mangement, leadership, widespread mockery, lawyers, purging, gigantic failure, forget, mission statemnet, literal interpretation
Transcript
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally hands the Boss a piece of paper and says, "My project is right on plan." Wally continues, "It began last week as a bad idea from somebody in senior management." Wally continues, "Thanks to my leadership, it is already an object of widespread mockery and derision." Wally continues, "As I speak, our lawyers are purging every last trace of value it might have had." Wally continues, "With luck, the project will be a gigantic failure in a month." Wally continues, "People will forget my failure and remember that I'm experienced. Promotions will follow. Yes!!" Wally concludes, "In six months I'll be dating an executive secretary named Yvonne." Dilbert says, "Good plan." The Boss asks, "Wally, have you ever read our mission statement?" Wally replies, "Yeah, but I don't subscribe to a literal interpretation."
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