October 2007 Comic Strips

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mandatory meeting, #health and well being, #theme of meeting, #healthy employees are unprodcutive, #exercsing, #eating fruit, #work hard and die, #feel sick, #right on schedule

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The Boss: Tomorrow is the mandatory meeting on employee health and well-being. "The meeting starts at 6 A.M. So it will interfere with your sleep and not your work." Dilbert: "Doesn't that send a message that work is more important than health?" The Boss: "I hope so. That's the theme of the meeting." "Healthy employees are unproductive." "They're always exercising or eating fruit when they should be working." "We prefer employees who work hard and die before their pensions start paying out." Dilbert: "Suddenly I feel sick." The Boss: "Right on schedule!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #write code, #faster, #high level of effciciency, #recognized, #rewarded, #works for you, #finish all projects, #one hour

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Asok: I found a clever way to write my application code in one hour! "Normally this sort of thing would take weeks." "I assume my high level of efficiency will be recognized and rewarded." Alice: "Let me know how that works out for you." The Boss: "You did all of that in one hour?" Asok: "Yes. I did." The Boss: "From now on. I expect you to finish all of your projects in one hours." "Otherwise I'll assume you're ripping off the company." Asok: "You could have warned me." Alice: "That's not how experience works."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help alice, #argument, #team work, #control killing

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Wally: My accomplishment this week was helping Alice finish her project in a timely manner." Alice: "You didn't do anything to help me." Wally: "Sure I did." "Remember when I came to your cubicle to ask for some data I need for my project?" "You said you were too busy, and shooed me away." Alice: "If I had insisted on doing my job, you would have had less time to do yours." Wally: "It's called teamwork." "Are we still big on that?" Alice: "Must control...First...Of...Death."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #empty brain, #stress, #word knowledge, #past the filters, #mantra, #lindsay lohan, #britney spears, #paris hilton

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Ratbert: My brain is empty. "It feels great!" "Stress is just another word for knowledge." "Wait a minute. How do I know that?" "GAAA!!! Something got past the filters!" "Must...Do...Mantra..." "Lindsay Lohan...Britney Spears...Paris Hilton...Ommmmm." Dogbert: "Are you all good now?" Ratbert: "Have we met?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #six months, #task, #simple task, #continuous cahnges, #unclear communication, #short work days, #being lazy

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The Boss: "Why did it take six months to complete this simple task?" Dilbert: "Because of your continuous changes, your unclear communication, and your short work days." The boss: "I'm looking for something more along the lines of you being lazy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hired sadits, #thin th herd, #looks slow

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The Boss: I hired a sadist. Dilbert: Why? Th boss: I'll be using you her to thin the heard. Dilbert: Herd? Sadist: That one looks slow. The Boss: That all look like that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sadist, #worthless, #overpaid, #immune, #underpaid

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The Sadist Vs. Wally Sadist: You are worthless and overpaid! Wally: Thank you. Sadist: Hes immune to my sadism. Wally: So, whats int like being underpaid?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacation time, #off next week, #cures eyou, #so much work, #die! relieve stress, #unsupportive

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The boss: "Remember to use all of your vacation time before year end." Asok: "I'm off next week." The Boss: "What! I curse you for taking time off when we have so much work to do! DIE, DIE, DIE!!!" "Anyway, the point is that vacations help relieve your stress."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quadrupled workload, #hom early, #battlestar galactica, #sandwhich, #envy vactionless

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Asok: I quadrupled my workload to finish projects before I go on vacation. Dilbert: "I'm going home early to watch Battlestar Galactica on my DVR." "I might eat a nice sandwich!" Asok: "Must...Not...Envy...The vacationless."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #powerpoint presentation, #confused jumble, #information, #winos spittle, #unsupported conclusions

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CO Worker: "Did you look at my powerpoint presentation?" Dilbert: "Yes, it's a confused jumble of useless information with a wino's spittle of unsupported conclusions." Coworker: "Wino's spittle?" Dilbert: "You heard me."