October 2016 Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Trust Your First Instinct

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Trust Your First Instinct - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bribe, #bribery, #laziness, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: People are telling me you are accepting bribes to help co-workers on projects. Wally: You think I'm helping my co-workers? Boss: Good point. That part didn't sound right. Wally: Trust your first instinct.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #correction, #correcting, #freak out, #anger, #tress, #Advice, #eavesdropping, #awkward, #temper

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: What's the best way to invest these days? Boss: Penny stocks are the best value because they only cost a penny. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I hate over hearing bad advice! Boss: If I were you, I"d take out a second mortgage and load up. Dilbert; I don't want to get involved, but I'll feel bad if I don't. Boss: You'll get reliable stock-picking advice from strangers on television. Dilbert: Run! Cover your ears and run! If it makes you feel any less awkward, I don't now what to do now, either.

Dilbert Recommends Firing Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Recommends Firing Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #cost, #fired, #layoff, #suggestion

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to cut our expenses. Dilbert: I recommend eliminating Ted's job. Ted: What??? I recommend eliminating Dilbert's job! Just because he said it first??? Boss: Let's not over-analyze it.

Dogbert's Reality Show

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Reality Show - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #television, #reality, #cell phone, #battery, #charging, #Entertainment, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm creating a reality TV show about ten people locked in a room with one electrical outlet. The central tension will revolve around their daily struggle to charge their phones. Dilbert: Is violence allowed? Dogbert: No, but my producers get a big bonus if it happens anyway.

Ranked By Performance

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ranked By Performance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rank, #success, #failure, #laziness, #reward, #work ethic, #trying, #effort

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I ranked all of you based on your performance. Wally came out on top because he didn't make any mistakes. Dilbert: He also didn't do any work. Wally: Why does everyone hate winners?

Tina Isn't An Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Isn't An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer, #evaluation, #value, #catch-22, #fired, #termination, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.

Fire The Bottom Ten Percent

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fire The Bottom Ten Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rank, #hierarchy, #value, #fired, #termination, #layoff, #logic, #executives

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I want you to fire the employees you ranked in the bottom ten percent. Boss: Wouldn't that just put someone else in the bottom ten percent? CEO: Everything made sense until you started talking. Boss: Sorry.

Problem With The System

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Problem With The System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fired, #bottom, #firing, #termination, #layoff, #hierarchy, #logic, #illogical, #executives

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Company policy says I have to fire the bottom ten percent of performers, so... you're fired. Dilbert: I thought I was near the top. Boss: That was before I fired everyone below you. Dilbert: Can you see any problem with your system? Boss: Yes, it's exhausting.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.

Gawful Media Company

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Gawful Media Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #morals, #executives, #decision, #information

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The board is proud to announce that we will be acquiring the Gawful Media Company. Dilbert: Are you aware that Gawful is so despicable that a crime bill has their name on it? CEO: Hey, don't blame me. I told the board that someone should Google them.