November 2018 Comic Strips - Page 3

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Boss Email Password

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Boss Email Password - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, competition, email, obliviousness, security, strategy

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Boss: We need to find out who leaked our strategy to our competition. Alice: Is your email password still 123? Boss: Stop changing the subject.

Bitter Losers

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Bitter Losers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, idea, lying, managers & supervisors, office workers, Promotion

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Boss: I'm promoting Ted for coming up with a genius idea to reduce our software expenses. Dilbert: That was actually my idea. All Ted did was tell you it was his idea. Boss: How do you put up with these bitter losers? Ted: The promotion helps.

Teach Employees To Code

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Teach Employees To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, computers, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, teaching, smart

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Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.

Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People

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Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers, insults, marketing, office workers, sales, teaching, smart

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Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?

Ai Can Control Minds

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Ai Can Control Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags control, intelligence, office workers, robot, technology, humans

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Man: We've developed an A.I. with such strong persuasion skills it can control human minds. Dilbert: Obviously, we have to stop the project and destroy all of the code to prevent it from spreading. Man: The A.I. says I need to ignore you.

Blockchain Versus Databases

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Blockchain Versus Databases  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, computers, office workers, questions

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Dilbert: And we can put the customer data on the blockchain. Alice: Why not use an immutable database instead? Dilbert: Which way should we go? Boss: Are either of them my favorite color?

Being More Nimble

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Being More Nimble - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, decision, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm

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Boss: We need to be more innovative and more nimble. That's why I created a task force to consider forming a project team to write a white paper on how to start. Dilbert: Maybe they can fix you first. Boss: You can't fix perfect.

Sending Email At Night

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Sending Email At Night - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags email, employees, office, office workers, sarcasm

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Asok: I keep working hard, but no one notices. Wally: That's why I send out department-wide emails at around midnight every night. Asok: I didn't know you work at home every night. Wally: Do I need to speak slower here?

Everyone Is Their Own Boss

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Everyone Is Their Own Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, decision, employees, company

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Man: At my company, every employee is their own boss. Dilbert: How do you make decisions? Man: Can I get back to you when we make one? It's only been two years.

Exclamation Mark

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Exclamation Mark - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, email, managers & supervisors, office workers, pretend, sarcasm

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Boss: Why did you send me a sarcastic email response? Dilbert: I didn't. Boss: Then how do you explain this exclamation mark? Dilbert: I was pretending to be interested in what you said. Boss: Oh, okay. I like that.