December 2003 Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags product training, pride in product line, users experience, painful boils, relatively satisfied customers, techniques

View Transcript

Transcript

Product Training. Man: You work for a company that takes pride in its product line. Only half of our users experience painful boils. We call that group the "relatively satisfied customers. what the?!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags feet off desk, random mangement, stock rise, so random, commands

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Take your feet off the desk." Dilbert: "Is this an example of random management or do you think it will make our stock rise?" The Boss: "It's up .02%. Heh-heh-heh, not so random after all."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags watching tv, news anchors, report, tv cameras, shows, evil or stupid, heart disease, stupid, banter, stinks

View Transcript

Transcript

TV Anchorman: Researchers have proven that working with evil or stupid people causes heart disease. Ha Ha! I wonder if the amount of stupidness makes a difference. Your witty banter stinks today.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineers, jobs, want job your job, falling out of trees, dime a dozen, intimidation, job on line, idle threats

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: The woods are full of people who want your job. These days you can't shake a tree without three or four engineers falling out. Id love to stay and chat but I need to go motivate the other headcounts.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags obliterate connection, my perfromance, my rewards, 3d objects

View Transcript

Transcript

The merger will obliterate the connection between my performance and rewards. My arms hang like wet ropes. there is no reason to move again. Dilbert: From 9 - 930 I rotated 3 dimensional objects in my mind. My ears hang like wet ropes.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags worry, paranoid beaver, productivity rewarded, alice, merger, boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice : My strategy is to work like a paranoid beaver during the merger. Surely my productivity will be noticed and rewarded when the downsizing begins, Man: and who is alice? The Boss: Im pretty sure thats the bald guy with glasses.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags made up language, inventing language, downsized, no word

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: "Alice, I don't know the best way to say this but I'll try." "Oog - nah wahgoo yagga bliphnow elga nooey fip wah!" "That's a language I'm inventing in my spare time. It has no word for 'you're downsized.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, evil director, severance package, spittle, laugh, purr, bad package, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of Human Resources. "What kind of severance package do I get?" "I can't decide if I should laugh or purr, but there's definitely spittle in your future." "This is a bad package." "PURRRR-HA-HA HA-PURRRRR-HA HA-PURRRR!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags career counseling, mad about downsized, involves punching, kicking, resume, alice, seeking job

View Transcript

Transcript

Career Counseling. Dogbert: "Apparently you're still mad about being downsized." "According to your resume, you're seeking a job that involves 'punching a short, stocky guy with pointy hair.'" "Is that the only job you'd consider?" Alice: "I also like kicking."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, rich guy, care about personality, hugged too tight

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice gets downsized. Wally: "Maybe your next career could be marrying a rich guy." "There must be a guy out there who wouldn't care about your personality." "If she offers you a goodbye hug, don't take it."