December 2007 Comic Strips - Page 3

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags disciuss company politics, career monefield, project, new strategic direction, upcoming reorganization, plan to criticize, something good happens

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The Boss: "I'm not allowed to discuss the company politics that form a career minefield around your project." "And I can't tell you the company's new strategic direction, or anything about our upcoming reorg." The boss: "My plan is to criticize you until something good happens."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags order from boss, reptilian brain, not apparent, move cubicle, closer to department

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The boss: "Alice, I want you to move to a cubicle closer to the rest of the department." Alice: "Is there a reason that isn't apparent, or is this coming from the reptilian part of your brain?" The boss: "How would you know?" Alice: "That's a surprisingly good point."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags staff meeting, take an hour, skip meeting, agree to die, earlier, deadness, haunt boss, agreement

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Wally: "Your staff meeting will take an hour of my life that I will never get back." "If you let me skip the meeting, I will agree, to die an hour earlier to make up the difference." Dilbert: "He agreed?" Wally: "Yes, and I'm going to use that extra hour of deadness to haunt hum."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags enhance strategy, next adjacency, no way to verify

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The Boss: "What have you done lately to enhance our strategy into the next adjacency?" Dilbert: "I don't know what that means, so I'm going to say 'everything.'" The Boss: "He's lucky there's no way to verify that claim."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags presentation, useful parts, open to suggestions, unqualified, their own jobs, software, recycled paper, engineering

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Dilbert: "This concludes the useful part of my presentation." "Now let's open the floor to suggestions from people who are unqualified to do their own jobs, much less mine." "Yes, you with the forehead." Man: "Can you make the software out of recycled paper?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags firing, incompetent, another job, lack of training, new job, incompetence, normal

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The Boss: "Bruce, you're totally incompetent at your job, so I've moving you to another job." "I'm hoping your lack of training for your new job will make your incompetence seem normal." Half of this job is know when to give up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, projects, complete projects, calculated risk, tasks, lateness irrelevant, worst week, business

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"And Wally, did you finish your project tasks for today?" Wally: "No. I took a calculated risk that other people would not finish their tasks either, making my lateness totally irrelevant." "Um..." "That is the worst..." "I need another week."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cubicle, too small, spoiled, sneaks up

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Wally: My new cubicle is too small. It looks fine to me." "It only seems small because you were so spoiled before." wally: "I didn't feel spoiled." Dilbert: "Apparently it sneaks up on you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice quits, 2 weeks notice, 20% raise, calls father, quitter, moron, raise instead of quit

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The Boss: "Alice, I got your two weeks' notice." "Will you stay if I give you a 20% raise?" Alice: "Okay." "Hey dad, do you remember you said I should never be a quitter? You do? Well, it turns out that you're a moron."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new years eve, celebrate calendar event, hair brush as loofah

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Ratbert: What kind of party are we having for New Year's Eve? Dilbert: "Why would I celebrate an arbitrary calendar event?" Ratbert: "Suddenly I don't feel so bad about using your hairbrush as a loofah."