December 2018 Comic Strips - Page 3
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Character
Friday December 21,
2018
Contacting The Alien Probe
Tags aliens, communication, earth, space, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: We're ready to fire up our laser communication technology to contact the alien probe heading to Earth. Boss: Is the alien probe unmanned? Dilbert: It is now.
Saturday December 22,
2018
Doomed Humanity To Annihilation
Tags aliens, attack, boss, communication, managers & supervisors, mistake, office workers, technology, laser, nasa
Transcript
Boss: The laser communication prototype you built for NASA accidentally vaporized the alien ship heading our way. If it got off a message to its home planet, your stupidity has doomed humanity to annihilation. Also, you didn't complete your mandatory training in chair safety.
Sunday December 23,
2018
Tags boss, employees, employment, managers & supervisors, video games
Transcript
Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?
Monday December 24,
2018
Ask Ted
Tags employees, insults, office workers, sarcasm, technology
Transcript
Man: Do you have the test data? Dilbert: No. Ask Ted. Man: Ted said you have it. Dilbert: I say Ted has it. Man: One of you must dislike me. Dilbert: That's not true. It could be both of us.
Tuesday December 25,
2018
Illegal Plan
Tags business ethics, legal, managers & supervisors, office workers, suspicious
Transcript
Dilbert: Your plan doesn't sound legal.I'm not comfortable with it. Boss: We break the law all the time. It hasn't been a problem yet. Do you feel better now? Dilbert: What's your position on killing all witnesses?
Wednesday December 26,
2018
Boss Has A Vision For The Company
Tags managers & supervisors, obliviousness, office workers, sarcasm, listen
Transcript
Boss: And that's my vision for the company. Dilbert: All you did was list the projects we are already working on while making it sound like astrology. Boss: In my defense, I didn't think any of you were listening.
Thursday December 27,
2018
Working With Old Ned
Tags elderly, men and women, office workers, old
Transcript
Boss: I need you to work with old Ned on this project. He's a little bit old-fashioned, but don't let that get to you. He retires in six months. Alice: I've been asked to work with you. Ned: Women have jobs now? ? ?
Friday December 28,
2018
Fetching Coffee
Tags elderly, engineering, men and women, office workers
Transcript
Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.
Saturday December 29,
2018
Alice Gets Mandatory Training
Tags complaining, office workers, punishment, threat
Transcript
Alice: I can't work with old Ned. He's a sexist, racist, bigoted troglodyte. Catbert: Name-calling is not allowed in this company. I sentence you to three weeks of mandatory training. Alice: I could trangle you with your own tail. Catbert: Six weeks!
Sunday December 30,
2018
Tags angry, business, office workers, sarcasm
Transcript
Boss: Did you finish the product redesign? Dilbert: You never told me to redesign the product. Boss: I don't want any excuses! Dilbert: You never told me to redesign anything. Boss: Whoa! Leave your pretzel logic at home. You need to learn how to take responsibility for your failures. Dilbert: Okay...I take full responsiblity for you not telling me what you wanted me to do. Boss: You're not doing it right. Dilbert: Should I slap myself while saying it?
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