February 2018 Comic Strips - Page 2

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Someone Stole Phb's Idea

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 Someone Stole Phb's Idea - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ideas, patent, copyright, invention, credit

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Boss: Hey! Someone stole my product idea! Dilbert: To be fair, your idea would have been obvious to a monkey with a drinking problem. Boss: But a monkey couldn't build this product. Dilbert: Neither can you. Let's call it a tie.

Directionally Accurate

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Directionally Accurate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags projections, budget, finance, math, excuse, compliment, accuracy, education, money

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Boss: Are you confident in your financial projections? Wally: They're directionally accurate. Boss: Your columns don't even add up. Wally: Why is it so hard for you to give a compliment?

Wally Finds Critical Bug

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Wally Finds Critical Bug - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, bug, deception, insider trading, stock, trick

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Wally: I found a critical bug in our software that could make our product worthless in a week. If you give me a huge raise, I won't tell anyone about the problem until you sell all of your company stock. Boss: Deal! Narrator: Two weeks later. Boss: Why haven't I heard about the bug yet? Wally: You didn't ask me if I knew how to fix it.

Obvious Ideas

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Obvious Ideas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags copyright, ideas, thinking, stealing, intellectual property, originality

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Boss: People keep stealing all of my great ideas. Alice: Have you ruled out the possibility that you only think of ideas that are obvious? Boss: Hmm... I hadn't considered that. Alice: And yet it was obvious.

Wally Pivots

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Wally Pivots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, deception, projects

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Wally: My project was failing, so I pivoted to a different idea with the same name. Later, I'll change the project name to cover my tracks. Asok: What about your sunk costs? Wally: Gone like footprints in the sands of time.

Anger Issues

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Anger Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger issues, listen to crazy people, mental problems, work weekend, crazy people

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The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems. The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay. CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems? The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.

Need To Be More Creative

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Need To Be More Creative - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manager, managing, creativity, company culture, control, leadership

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Boss: We need to be more creative. Also, don't do anything except what I tell you to do or else I'll fire you. Dilbert: Thank you for your leadership. Boss: We also need to communicate less.

Worried About Dilbert's Mental Health

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Worried About Dilbert's Mental Health - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags asoks health, boss worried, brilliant ideas, misunderstand, too dumb, dilbert's mental health, called into question

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The Boss: Im worried about DIlberts mental health because his ideas are so bad. Asok: How did you rule out the hypothesis that his ideas are brilliant but you're too dumb to understand them? The Boss: Now Im worried about Asok's mental health too.

Bad Analogies

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Bad Analogies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ideas, criticism, critique, simile, language

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Man: Your idea is awful. Dilbert: Can you explain your reasons without using an absurd analogy? Man: It's like a pregnant squirrel eating a sandwich. Dilbert: I'll take that as a no.

Wally Maintains The Network

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Wally Maintains The Network  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags information, spying, surviellance, blackmail, extortion

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Boss: Wally, your performance is terrible. You're fired. Wally: Are you aware that every message you have ever sent using company devices is archived on a network you assigned me to maintain? Boss: Is that a threat? Wally: I also archive your web searches.