February 2020 Comic Strips

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Purchasing Department

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Purchasing Department - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, purchasing, vendor, market, quote, coffee

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Purchasing Manager Bob: you need there vendor quotes, or i can't approve it. dilbert: there are only two vendors in that market. bob: come back when something changes.

Ceo Is Like Normal People

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Ceo Is Like Normal People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, office environment, cubicle, work, normal, people, respect, stupid

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ceo: even though i am you ceo, i work out of a cubicle just like normal people. you probably respect that. alice: no, it sounds stupid. ceo: then why am i torturing myself in that putrid cubicle? alice: see prior answer.

Ceo In Cubicle

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Ceo In Cubicle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, private, office, cubicle, common, work, employees

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eco: i've decided to give up my private office and work from a cubicle so employees will respect me more. my cubicle will be 1,000 square feet, with a ceiling. dilbert: that's called an office. eco: nothing pleases you common folk.

Pragmatist

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Pragmatist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, plans, office workers, stupid, pragmatist, practical, implement, technology

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asok: i'm a pragmatist. i like plans that are practical. wally: not me. i like plans that can't be implemented. way less work. asok: my way sounds stupid now.

Work Harder Than Others

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Work Harder Than Others - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, business, employees, managers, work, success

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boss: the only way to succeed in this company is by working harder than everyone else. alice: wouldn't that mean only one person in the company can be successful? boss: i might need to rethink my motivational messages. dilbert: maybe save those for your dumber employees.

Reading Faces

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Reading Faces - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meeting, corrupt, communists, technology, proposal, reading faces

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co-worker: i can't support this project because you're all a bunch of corrupt, godless communists. dilbert: just out of curiosity, where did you get your education? co-worker: i learned everything i need to know on social media. dilbert: how does that help you evaluate a technical proposal? co-worker: it's simple. i take one look at all of your faces, and i know everything i need to know. co-worker looking at wally: i mean, look at this guy's face. he's obviously a grifter. wally: lucky guess. co-worker looking at alice: this one obviously has anger issues. dilbert: i demand a larger sample size! co-worker: whatever geek face.

Self Actualization

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Self Actualization - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, managers & supervisors, business, work, talk, listen, self-actualized

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dilbert: i work every day, and yet i am not feeling completely self-actualized. boss: what's that mean? dilbert: i don't know. it's something i heard. boss: why are we even talking about it? dilbert: because the more i talk, the less i have to listen to you.

Expecting Excellence

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 Expecting Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, happiness, expectations, coffee, dysfunction, excellence

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wally: asok, he key to happiness is lowering your expectations. for example, all i expect from work today is twelve cups of coffee and a humorous display of corporate dysfunction. asok: that sounds sad. wally: try expecting excellence and see how that works for you.

What Is The Bra

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 What Is The Bra - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, business, risk, assessment, mock, teamwork, acronym

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office worker: what's the b.r.a. on that? dilbert: jus? office worker: you look dumb in front of everyone for not knowing b.r.a. stands for business risk assessment. we'll probably mock you behind your back. dilbert talking to the boss: i don't think your teamwork exercises are working.

Alice And Blockchain

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 Alice And Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, project, learn, skills

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alice: i'd like to help on the blockchain project to build my skills in that area. boss: i don't like it when people learn new things. alice: i don't know what to say to that. boss: oh, good. it worked.