March 1992 Comic Strips - Page 2

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, petimoney, trial, Dogbert, suit, hadeas corpus, lo contendre, latin, club

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At the petimony trial, Dilbert says, "Your honor, I request that Dogbert's suit against me be dropped . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . On the grounds that there's no habeas corpus, no lo contendre, and no e pluribus unum." Dilbert looks up at the bench and thinks, "With luck, he doesn't know Latin either." The judge says, "Bailiff, club this man."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, petimony, fuzzy, cat, pet, disgust, rubbed, leg, pine-scented, sand

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Dilbert says, "The defense calls Fuzzy the Cat." Fuzzy sits in the witness stand. Dilbert asks Fuzzy, "Isn't it true that I did not in fact PET you, but only pushed you away in mild disgust when you rubbed my leg?" Fuzzy replies, "I have this sudden urge to bury you in pine-scented sand."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, argument, petimony, suit, points, tie

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The judge says, "Mister Dogbert, you made a good argument in your petimony suit against Dilbert . . ." The judge pounds his gavel and says, "But Dilbert had some good points, too . . . I call it a tie." The judge thinks, "Third tie this week . . . Maybe it's me . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, genius, humility, Dogbert, weasel, compliments, clever

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says from behind him, "I'm not really a genius." Dilbert asks, "Did you say something?" Dogbert replies, "I'm practicing my false humility." Dilbert asks, "Is this just a way to weasel more compliments out of people?" Dogbert replies, "Oh, I could never be THAT clever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, rabert, false, humility, weasel, compliments, insult

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Ratbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've been using false humility to weasel compliments out of people . . ." Dogbert continues, "But I know YOU're way too smart to fall for that trick, Ratbert." Ratbert replies, "Actually, I'm as dumb as toast." Dogbert says, "Then I found I could use false compliments to make people insult themselves."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, insecure, insult, thin, sexy, whale, bad, hairdo

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Dogbert walks outdoors thinking, "It's easy to make insecure people insult themselves." Dogbert says to a woman, "Good morning, ma'am. You look thin and sexy today!" The woman replies, "Sexy?! Ha! I'm a whale . . . A whale with a bad hairdo!" Dogbert walks away humming and thinking, "Next."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, assignment, last, ridiculous, spontaneously, channeling, spirit, bozo

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Uh . . . Dilbert, about that assignment I gave you last month . . ." The Boss continues, "Remember how you thought it was a silly and ridiculous assignment?" Dilbert says, "Yeah?" The Boss replies, "Well, it turns out that I've been spontaneously channeling the spirit of Bozo the Clown." The Boss is suddenly wearing a clown nose and costume.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, smart, pills, chinese, herbs, news, story, naturally, discovered, gift, item

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert enters holding a paper bag and says, "I bought some 'Smart Pills' for you. They're made from Chinese herbs." Dogbert continues, "I saw a news story about these . . . And naturally I thought of you." Dogbert says as he walks away, "I've discovered the perfect gift item."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, lab, growth, hair, luck, formula, engineer, inventor

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A door is marked "Dilbert's Lab." Dilbert walks out of the lab door. He has hair growing all over his body. Dogbert asks, "Any luck with your hair growth formula?" Dilbert replies, "Define 'luck.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, retrospect, tested, scalp, body, works, invention, hair growth, formula, engineer

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert's body is covered with hair. Dilbert says, "The good news is that my hair growth formula works." Dilbert continues, "In retrospect, I should have tested it on my scalp instead of all over my body." Dogbert says, "Hindsight . . ." Dilbert says, "Yeah . . ."