March 2005 Comic Strips - Page 2

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dont worry, high crime area, experts assure you, gange members, exhautsed, beat up

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CAtbert: Don't worry that the company is moving to a high-crime area. "My experts assure me that you'll have a 90% chance of survival every time you walk outside." "That estimate depends on the assumption that the gang members become exhausted from beating you up."

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Tags high crime area, fiduciary, misconducting, cfo, kicked, beat up

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Alice: "I hate walking to work in this high-crime area." "Take this, you fiduciary misconducting *#@!%" "That was our C.E.O."<Br>"I know."

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Tags fist of death, alice implicated, beat up men, high crime, area, office, picture, pyramid shaped hair

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Senior management has decided to move our office out of this high-crime area. "Because every one of them was beaten up in front og the building by a guy with pyramid-shaped hair.'<Br>"Police released this sketch. The guy likes to yell something about a "fist of death.""

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Tags set a conference call, secretary's job, carol, ask question, set up appointmet

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Carol: Asok, your pointy-haired boss wants you to set up a conference call with all the division managers." Asok: "Um... wouldn't that be his secretary's job? And aren't you his secretary?" Carol: "Hey, I know. Why don't you try to get an appointment with him so you can ask that question."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conference call, boss, 15 people, availablity, august 6th, 5 minutes, so far so good

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Asok: "Hello, this is Asok the intern. I am trying to set up a conference all with you boss and 15 other people."<Br>"Could you tell me all of the times he is available in the next six months?"<Br>"Only Augus sixth between 8:35 and 8:40." "So far so good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conference call, success, set up, 15 people, forgot to call in, mute buttons, spinning story

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Asok: The conference call was a huge sucess. "Three out of 15 people were available and only one of them forgot to call in." The boss: "So it was a phone call between two people?" Asok: "It would have been if they hadn't used the mute buttons."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags forecast, predcit, pants so high, kill self with belt, statue erected, honor of blet, stupid towns people

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The Boss: "Alice, I need your forecast and I need it right now." Alice: "I predict that someday you'll wear your pants so high that you'll choke yourself to death with your belt." "And the towns-people will erect a statue to honor your belt." The Boss: "Stupid towns-people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags improvement process, smartsize, one resource, figure of speech

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The boss: "Ted, I don't know how to say this." "We need to lean up the process improvement process so I have to smartsize one resource." Ted: "Wow. Usually it's just a figure of speech when people say, "I don't know how to say this.""

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags arguments, based on definiatoons, fascist, wearing pajamas, wearing top

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Dogbert: "From now on, all of my arguments will be based on definitions that are not in any dictionary." "For example, I could argue that you're a facist because you're wearing pajamas." Dilbert: "I'm only wearing the top." Dogbert: "Man I wish I didn't know that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags not entitled to opinions, copyrighted, stupidest opinions, universe, uttered

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"And so that's why..." "Excuse me, you're not entitled to your opinion." "I copyrighted all of the stupidest opinions in the universe so they can never again be uttered." "Hey! I just realized that I no longer need to drink!"