March 2018 Comic Strips - Page 3

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Unplugged Server

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Unplugged Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags server, obliviousness, cell phone, phone, charging, technology

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Dilbert: The network has been down all morning, but we found the problem. Some idiot unplugged the server so he could charge his phone. So, that problem has been solved. Boss: Great. Now can you help me find my lost phone?

No Good Ideas In Decades

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No Good Ideas In Decades - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ideas, candid, ageism, conversation, speaking, talking

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Man: May I make a suggestion? Dilbert: Sure. Do you mind if I only pretend to listen because you haven't had a good idea in several decades? Man: That's fine. I was only looking forward to the part where I'm talking. Dilbert: Proceed.

Temperature Court

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Temperature Court - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thermostat, temperature, hot, cold, office, office workers, disagreement

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Dogbert: Welcome to temperature court. One of you has frozen appendages and one of you is burning up. But only one temperature can rule the office. I rule that the thermostat must be set at exactly 72 degrees. Dilbert: Noooo!!! Alice: Shoot me!

Artificial Deadlines

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Artificial Deadlines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deadline, logic, motivation, excuses

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Woman: You've been promising me you'd finish the web page for the last six months. Wally: This is your fault for not giving me an artificial deadline. Woman: Okay. I need it by end of day. Wally: And miss my dental appointment??

Porch Thief Is Neutralized

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Porch Thief Is Neutralized  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags violence, retaliation, delivery, package, stealing, theft, ring, technology

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Alice: Uh-oh. My home security system is showing a thief stealing a package from my front door. Activating particle beam defense. The threat has been neutralized. Dilbert: When you say "neutralized," does that mean... Alice: Activating crime scene cleanup drone.

Call My Lost Phone

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Call My Lost Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags productivity, unproductive, cell phone, ringing, frustration, annoy, annoyance, technology

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Boss: I don't know where I left my phone. Can you call it? Dilbert: Sure, but it will make both of us unproductive instead of just you. Narrator: And then there were three. Alice: Gaaaa!!! Where is that ringing coming from???

Anyone Fired Lately

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Anyone Fired Lately - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, fired, scapegoat, laziness, excuse

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Wally: Before I give my project status report, has anyone quit or been fired recently? Boss: I fired Ted last week. Now tell me why your project is late. Wally: It was Ted's fault.

Need A Dopamine Hit

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Need A Dopamine Hit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags addiction, technology, stimulation, dopamine, distraction, cell phone, social media, Games, internet

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Dilbert: My digital devices have reduced my attention span so much I can barely concentrate on work. I need a dopamine hit every four seconds or I look for something else to do. Carol: Would you mind terribly if I play with my phone while you drone on and on?

The Extra 10%

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The Extra 10%  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, excuses, effort, motivation

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Boss: Our project can only succeed if each of us gives 110 percent. Voice 1: I'm off next week. Voice 2: I have surgery on Monday. Voice 3: I gave my two-week notice a week ago. Boss: Okay, can I get a 50 percent effort from any of you? Wally: I can only give you the extra 10 percent you believe exists.

To Do List

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To Do List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags to-do list, list, task, stress, assignments

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Dilbert: I'd better make a list of all the things I need to do today. Narrator: Eight hours later. Dilbert: I have 347 urgent tasks, and I add about seven new ones each day. I'll cross "make a to-do list" off my to-do list and call it a day.