March 2020 Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Recreational Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Recreational Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags buisness, management, managing, cloud, personal, information, laugh, legal, recreation

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: the best part about my new job managing the cloud is that i get to laugh at everyone's personal information. dilbert: you're not suppose to be looking at anyone's personal data. dogbert: i'm fairly sure it's legal if i only do it recreationally.

Ghosts Use Bitcoin

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ghosts Use Bitcoin - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, money, die, ghost, password, bitcoin, clothes

View Transcript

Transcript

boss drinking coffee: they say you can't take your money with you when you die. but does that include bitcoin? because even a ghost can remember a password. dilbert: why would a ghost need money? boss: have you never noticed they all wear clothes?

Dogbert In The Cloud

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert In The Cloud   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, personal, information, cloud, safe, worry, trust, manage, system, browser, history

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i'm concerned that storing my personal information in the cloud is not safe. dilbert: don't be such a worrier. i'm sure we can trust the people who manage those systems to keep us safe. somewhere in the cloud dogbert: hee-hee! look at the browser history on this bunion-having loser.

Elbonian Consultant

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, consultant, elbonia, people, local, problem, distribution, execute, Opinion, barber

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.

Compilation Video

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Compilation Video  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, useful, video, co-workers, incompetent, comparision, meeting, compile

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: you think i didn't do anything useful this year. so i made a compilation video of my co-workers being incompetent in meetings for comparison. boss: at least they are trying. wally: as you can see, maybe they shouldn't.

Judging By Looks

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Judging By Looks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, interview, manager, judge, offensive, social media, nonesense

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i'd like to offer you a job, but ten years ago you said something offensive on social media. interviewee: i'm not the same person i was ten years ago. you are judging me by the actions of someone who literally no longer exists. boss: i get your point, but if i go back to the old way of judging people by their looks, we still end up in the same place.

Wally Prefers Systems

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Prefers Systems  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, office workers, goals, question, answer, system, year

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: what are your goals for the year? wally: i prefer systems over goals. dilbert: okay, what are your systems? wally: none of them involve answering questions.

Facial Recognition

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Facial Recognition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, sarcasm, facial, recognition, identification, social, media, history, business, office

View Transcript

Transcript

office worker: hi, i'm ... dilbert holding up stop hand: hold on. my facial recognition app has identified you and is now showing me your social media history. office worker: uh-oh. dilbert: it seems it would be unwise for me to touch your hand.

Impostor Syndrome

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Impostor Syndrome  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, imposter, syndrome, manager, acting, pretend

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i have a bad case of imposter syndrome. i feel as if i'm only pretending to be a good manager, and someday everyone will find out it's an act. dilbert: if it makes you feel any better, we figured that out a while ago.

Wally Rounds Off

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Rounds Off   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, business, work, critical, tasks, failed, enjoyment, anger

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: i did no work this week because i had too many critical tasks to do. no matter what i worked on, i would have failed to do the other 99% of tasks that were equally critical. so i rounded it off to 100% and enjoyed my week. alice yelling: why do i work here??? why???