March 2018 Comic Strips
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Character
Sunday March 04,
2018
Tags add code, corporate scamming, darkest day, designed new prodcut, draft apology, engineering success, make unrelaible, no upgarde, press release, ten years
Transcript
Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.
Sunday March 11,
2018
Tags interview, hiring, honesty, immoral, ulterior motives
Transcript
Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.
Sunday March 18,
2018
Tags sociopath, obliviousness, tell-all
Transcript
Dilbert: There's a new tell-all book about our company. CEO: How bad is it? Dilbert: It's bad. Anonymous sources within the company say you're a "raging sociopath with the intellect of a clam." CEO: Put out a press release denying those lies! Dilbert: That's going to be tricky to write. CEO: Just say I deny being a sociopath with the mind of a clam. Also say I hope whoever said that about me dies a slow and terrible death. Is that clear? Dilbert: Yes, on many levels.
Sunday March 25,
2018
Tags team, teamwork, collaboration, excuses, group project, business
Transcript
Dilbert: Thank you all for coming. I'm hoping we can make a lot of progress in the next hour. Alice; I didn't get any sleep last night, so don't expect much from me. Asok: I'm so hungry I can barely think. Man 1: I might be a bit distracted today because my wife told me she wants to leave me. Wally: I can't stay for the whole meeting. I have another thing in a few minutes Man 2: I'm only here to sabotage your project because I can't abide the success of others. Dilbert; Why don't all of you leave now and I'll make all the decisions myself. Boss: How'd the team meeting go? Dilbert: Better than I expected.
Thursday March 01,
2018
Optimal Meeting Density
Tags laziness, excuses, excuse, meeting, meetings, powerpoint, business
Transcript
Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.
Saturday March 03,
2018
Boss Checks On His Nickname
Tags name-calling, nickname, abbreviation
Transcript
Boss: Wally says people are calling me a "frickin' bottleneck" behind my back. Is that true? Carol: I have to call you back after I'm done with F.B. Boss: F.B.? Carol: Um... Facebook.
Friday March 02,
2018
Boss The Bottleneck
Tags nickname, name-calling
Transcript
Boss: I wish I had a cool nickname at work. Dilbert: You do. You're known as the "Frickin' Bottleneck." Boss: Who calls me that? Dilbert; Bad people. I try to stop them.
Wednesday March 07,
2018
Two Hour Summary
Tags language, jargon, listening, communication, interpretation
Transcript
Boss: Thank you for that two-hour summary of your project. I didn't understand any of the jargon you used, but based on the context, I believe you are saying the software will be done soon. Alice: I didn't say anything about software. Boss: I guess neither of us did our best work today.
Tuesday March 06,
2018
When Clarity Is Not Your Friend
Tags language, jargon, communication
Transcript
Boss: Your project summary needs mare jargon and acronyms. The goal is to make ourselves look smart while making the readers feel dumb. Dilbert: What about clarity? Boss: Clarity is not our friend on this one.
Tuesday March 13,
2018
Team Building Lunch
Tags lunch, team, teamwork, team-building, business
Transcript
Dilbert: Is everyone ready to go to lunch yet? I've been waiting for ninety minutes. Alice: We just got back. No one noticed you weren't with us. Dogbert: How was your team-building lunch? Dilbert: Suboptimal.

