April 2002 Comic Strips - Page 3

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2002's comic on:


Tags #50 management, #interpretor, #jargin, #languages, #mumble, #mumble mumble, #pointy haired dialct

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "...And the most critical part of your objective is..." All that comes from The Boss' mouth is, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Dilbert turns and asks, "What?" The Boss continues, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Dilbert gets up and says, "I'll be right back. I need an interpreter who speaks mumble." Dilbert comes back with a coworker, whom he introduces to The Boss. Dilbert says, "This is Allen. He speaks fifty management languages including jargon, weaselease and mumble." The Boss turns to Allen and says, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Allen replies, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Allen reports to Dilbert, "I'm a bit rusty with the pointy-haired dialect but I think he wants you to line dance in a gazebo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2002's comic on:


Tags #training budget slashed, #cancel class, #already paid, #appear smart, #while secretly stupid

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "The training budget got slashed. You have to cancel your class." Dilbert responds, "We already paid for the class." The Boss replies, "We'll look bad if you go." Dilbert says, "So, our plan is to appear smart while secretly being stupid?" The Boss replies, "You can make anything sound bad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2002's comic on:


Tags #engineering anaysis, #unnecessary assignment, #non existent software, #sweet smell

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "It's critical that you finish this engineering analysis by Tuesday." Dilbert says, "Aahh.. It has the sweet smell of an unnecessary assignment." Wally says, "Yes, I can smell it from here." Dilbert says, "Feasibility of using non-existent software." Wally giggles, "Hee Hee!" The Boss says, "Stop being you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2002's comic on:


Tags #new reality, #leave reality, #don't like leave

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "It's a new reality. If you don't like it, you can leave!" Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Question: How can we leave reality? Aren't we always in it by definition?" Dilbert looks around and sees that everyone around him is asleep. He says, "Never mind.. apparently everyone else knew what you meant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2002's comic on:


Tags #key card, #tailgate, #network password, #voicemail, #stop working

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An employee says, "What a day I'm having. First my key card doesn't work, so I have to tailgate into the building." The employee continues, "Then my network password doesn't work. Now my voicemail doesn't work!" The Boss grins as the employee continues, "Is it possible for anything else to stop working today?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2002's comic on:


Tags #walk and talk, #not their names, #boss waves, #distarcted

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Dilbert approaches The Boss and asks, "Do you have a second?" The Boss replies, "Walk and talk." Dilbert begins, "So, the supplier won't.." The Boss interrupts him with, "Hi, Pete. Hey, Tim. Hi, Barb. How are you? Not bad. Hi." Dilbert says, "Um.. Those aren't their names." The Boss replies, "My way is easier... Hi, Ted."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #management decision, #too distarcted, #make informed decison, #random, #no answer

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "...And that's why I need a management decision." The Boss says, "Hi, Bill!" Dilbert says, "But you are too distracted to make an informed decision, so this will be random." The Boss says, "Bob!" Dilbert says, "And here it comes." The Boss replies, "Would 'No' be an answer to anything you said?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2002's comic on:


Tags #meeting with favorites, #management perspective, #top priority, #price, #service, #circles are round, #flew in, #ate up time, #stole a day, #revenge

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The Boss walks into a meeting and says, "Hey, it's a meeting with our favorite customers!" The Boss continues, "It's lucky I was passing by." The Boss continues, "I don't know what this meeting is about but I'm sure it needs some management perspective." The Boss continues, "Our top priority is quality. Our other top priority is price.. and service.. and ..." Headline: One Hour Later. The Boss concludes, "And that's why circles are round." The customer looks at her watch and says, "We flew here for this meeting and you used up all of our time saying nothing." The customer stands up and exclaims, "You stole a day of my life! I will hunt you to the end of time! Revenge will be mine!" The Boss and Dilbert are alone in the conference room. The Boss says, "Is it just me or is that phrase starting to be overused?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2002's comic on:


Tags #committee across hall, #west side story, #dance fight, #teach

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Wally, The Boss, and Dilbert are meeting. A coworker approaches and says, "I just found out that the committee across the hall is doing the same thing we are." The coworker continues, "All we can do now is hum 'West Side Story' and have a dance-fight." The coworker leaves dancing and humming. Wally turns and says, "Can you teach me how to hum?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2002's comic on:


Tags #perfromance evaluation, #seven layers, #sign, #boss sign evaluation, #manage myself

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The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, write a performance evaluation of yourself for me to sign." Alice replies, "What will our seven layers of management be doing while I manage myself?? Alice continues, "Sorry. I'll ding myself for that on my evaluation." The Boss says, "If you can't find me, have Carol sign my name."