April 2020 Comic Strips - Page 1
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Character
Thursday April 30,
2020
Ceo Has Pandemic Plan
Tags business, managers & supervisors, video conference, stock market, money, rich, lost, pandemic, health, underpay, stategy
Transcript
ceo on video conference: i used to be rich, but i lost it all in the stock market crash during the pandemic. luckily, i can make up the difference by working you idiots to death while underpaying you. video chat: we thought you didn't have a strategy. ceo: i just don't like to talk about it.
Wednesday April 29,
2020
Sincere Friends
Tags relationship, business, social media, friend, hard, times, zoned, insincere
Transcript
dilbert: in hard times, you really find out who your friends are. dogbert: i assume you have hundreds of friends by now because of all the times you have been friend-zoned. dilbert: i'm starting to think they were insincere.
Tuesday April 28,
2020
Spring Cleaning
Tags baboons, birthday, business, cleaning, criminals, drunk, files, list, servers, spring, white-collar
Transcript
boss on cell phone: we need to do spring cleaning. delete any data on our servers that make us look like white-collar criminals or drunken baboons. dilbert: all that leaves is our birthday list. boss through phone line: torch that too.
Monday April 27,
2020
Human Walking This Way
Tags coronavirus, exercise, fish, health, human, social distancing, walking, water
Transcript
dilbert walking outside thinking: uh-oh. a human being is walking in my direction. dilbert jumping over wall into river: aaaagh!!! fish in water by dilbert: i need to ask you to back up six feet.
Sunday April 26,
2020
Dogbert Designs Headphones
Tags design, business, headphones, maximum, customer, annoyance, charging, port, guess, incorrect, frustration, fit, customers, ship, user
Transcript
dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.
Saturday April 25,
2020
Social Distancing
Tags business, eighties, health, hug, managers & supervisors, practice, social distancing, virus, coronavirus
Transcript
boss with face mask: wally, i need you to practice "social distancing" until the virus risk has passed. wally: i already do that. i haven't hugged anyone since the eighties. boss: good job. high-five. wally: back off.
Friday April 24,
2020
Dogbert Hovers
Tags business, working from home, annoy, work, hear, footsteps, hoover, health, coronavirus, excuse, living
Transcript
dilbert: i can't get any work done at home because i keep hearing your footsteps all day! dogbert: excuse me for living. i'll try hovering from now on. dilbert: can you do that? dogbert hovering: there's a lot you don't know about me.
Thursday April 23,
2020
Working At Home
Tags accomplished, business, fort, goof, health, home, version, working, coronavirus
Transcript
day one of working from home dilbert thinking: i'm getting a lot done. day two of working from home dilbert thinking laying on the couch: if i goofed off a little, would anyone know? day three of working from home dogbert: lame fort. dilbert under fort made from couch cushions and blanket: it's version 1.0.
Wednesday April 22,
2020
Stress Can Kill You
Tags business, coronavirus, cortisol, dead man walking, depress, fear, immune, increase, scared, social distancing, system, virus, health
Transcript
dogbert: you have nothing to fear from the coronavirus but fear itself. obviously, the fear will increase your cortisol levels and depress your immune system so the virus can finish you off. dilbert visually shaken: now i'm scared. dogbert pointing: dead man walking!
Tuesday April 21,
2020
Coronavirus
Tags 24 hours, business, coronavirus, health, home, remote, tragic, work from home
Transcript
dilbert: i'm working at home to avoid the coronavirus. i'll have to stay here 24 hours a day. dogbert: that's tragic. dilbert: i don't mind. dogbert: i meant tragic for me.

