April 2018 Comic Strips - Page 3
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Character
Tuesday April 17,
2018
Deducing Rank
Tags hierarchy, rank, marketing, jargon, lingo, adspeak, business
Transcript
Dilbert: I don't know how to answer your question because I got here late and I haven't deduced your rank in the company. Woman: I'm the new director of Marketing, so you need to pretend my question makes sense. Dilbert: Give me a minute to get into that mindset. Woman: Take your time.
Saturday April 21,
2018
Show More Initiative
Tags managers, boss, criticism, encouragement, initiative, engagement
Transcript
Boss: You fool! That web page is not designed the way I would have done it! And I never would have explained it this way! Lastly, I want you to show more initiative. Dilbert: Are you still here?
Friday April 20,
2018
Dumb Question
Tags engineers, questioning, dumb question, stupidity, jargon, language, lingo
Transcript
Boss: I'm not an engineer, so this might be a dumb question. But why can't we 3-D print a blockchain and HTML it into a bitcoin? Dilbert: Alice can answer that. Alice: I quit.
Wednesday April 25,
2018
Brains In A River
Tags cryogenics, ethics, laziness, yelp, online review, comments, feedback, customers
Transcript
Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.
Saturday April 28,
2018
Aggressive Littering
Tags guilt, plea, charges, littering, murder, rich people, discrimination
Transcript
Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.
Friday April 27,
2018
Arresting The Rich
Tags money, rich people, arrest, discrimination, equality
Transcript
Police Officer: Before I arrest you, I'll need to know your net worth. We have a slightly different process for arresting rich folks. Dogbert: I'm very rich. Police Officer: In that case, I'll wear the handcuffs.
Monday April 23,
2018
Cryogenic Investment Firm
Tags cryogenic, intelligence, rich people
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert's Cryogenic Investment Firm. Dogbert: We'll freeze your brain for 200 years and then transplant it into a 3-D printed body. By then, your investments will be worth a fortune. Man: Is there any risk to my brain? Dogbert: You'll have an IQ of 45, but that doesn't matter when you're rich.
Tuesday April 24,
2018
Totally Painless Brain Removal
Tags cryogenic, science, lab, pain, experiment
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert's Cryogenic Investment Advice. Dogbert: We'll remove your brain and freeze it until your investments are worth a fortune. Man: Does it hurt? Dogbert: Totally painless. Man: Aaaagh! It hurts! Dogbert: Oh. I thought we were talking about me.
Thursday April 26,
2018
Kicking Brains Into The River
Tags surveillance, photo, evidence, identity, guilt, proof
Transcript
Police Officer: You're under arrest for running a scam cryogenic investment firm. We have video footage of you kicking unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: That doesn't look like me. Police Officer: You were chanting your own name.
Monday April 30,
2018
Finding Alice
Tags surveillance, data, spying, location, privacy
Transcript
Boss: Does anyone know where Alice is? Dilbert: Yes. The CIA, Google, Facebook, Apple, and Russian hackers know where she is. Boss: But we have no way to find her? Dilbert: Depends. Was she dumb enough to download our company app?
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