April 2006 Comic Strips

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #angelica jolie lips, #mp3 player, #must never soeak

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The Marketing Guru "Your mp3 player is large and scary, but I can fix that." "All it needs is a set of Angelina Jolie lips and everyone will love it." Six Months Later "We must never speak of this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space heaters, #not allowed, #cubicles, #heat space, #uranus warm

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"Company policy says that space heaters are not allowed in cubicles." "My heater doesn't heat space. It heats the air in my cubicle. That's okay, right?" "Why would anyone heat 'space'?" "It keeps Uranus warm."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #team building exercise, #security gurad, #middle of desert, #leave you there

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"Ted, I'm sending you on a team-building exercise." "A security guard will drive you to the middle of the desert and leave you there!" "And then the team will rescue me?" "Sure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #concerns about work, #teds work, #team building exercise, #test here, #sent asok

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"I listened to your concerns about Ted's work, so I tricked him into being left in the middle of the desert." "He thinks it's a team-building exercise. Hee hee!" "We wanted you to transfer him, not kill him." "Really? This is awkward." "And this is Ted. Where's Asok?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asok, #survival methods, #indian institutet of technology, #wounded rodent, #tickle hawk, #find highway

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I must use the survival methods I learned at the Indian Institute of Technology. "Step one: Pretend to be a wounded rodent." "Now look for the highway and tickle the hawk with its own feather."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #team building exercise, #left die, #crying, #shake it off, #boss, #apathetic

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"You said it was a team-building exercise and you left me in the middle of the desert to die!" "Shake it off." "You wouldn't think that would work, but it does!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #three week vacation, #leaving tomorrow, #vacation, #twice as good

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I'm back from my three-week vacation. "I didn't know you were gone." "Um...I meant I'm leaving tomorrow for my three-week vacation." "How was your vacation?" "Twice as good as I expected!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #less prodcutive, #automatic promotion, #hiring, #work like idiot, #look like idiot, #pointy haired alice

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"Alice, I need you to be less productive." "I'll get an automatic promotion if I can justify hiring one more direct report." "If I'm going to work like an idiot, I might as well look like one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trigger automatic promotion, #be that employee, #part of team, #not special

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I need to have one more direct report and it will trigger an automatic promotion for me. "Your job is to be that employee." "How's it feel to be part of the team?" "Not as special as I'd hoped."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security software, #upgrade it, #hackers, #steal identity, #bank accounts, #destroy hard drive, #cjoices

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DilMom "Your security software is out of date..." "Uh-oh." "Would you like to spend the rest of your natural life trying to figure out how to upgrade it?" "Erk!" "Or would you prefer to let hackers steal your identity, drain your bank accounts and destroy your hard drive?" "I need more choices!"