You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2014's comic on:


Tags #public speaking, #powerpoint, #technology, #competition, #industry, #one slide, #presentation, #meeting, #investors, #business

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Boss: I need you to make a PowerPoint deck for my meeting with investors. I'll be telling them everything I know about technology, competition, and the industry. Dilbert: So... just the one slide? Boss: Huh? Dilbert: How big do these fonts go?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #business people, #business plan, #corporate dysfunction, #dishonesty, #incompetence, #longer, #lumbering monument, #seeking feedback, #more of the same

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Dilbert: I had a question about your feedback on my business plan. You called it a "lumbering monument to incompetence, dishonesty and corporate dysfunction." Alice: What's your question? Dilbert: Do you think it should be longer?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #business people, #work ethic, #new line, #products, #business plan, #good track record, #useful, #accurate, #make up numbers

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Boss: I need you to write a business plan for our new line of products. Dilbert: Is that because business plans have a good track record of being useful and accurate? Boss: No, it's nothing like that. Dilbert: Good, because I plan to make up all of the numbers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #deception, #new business strategy, #laptop, #coffee shop, #public access, #wifi, #hackers, #strategy document, #sell secrets, #competitors, #business strategy, #break in

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Dilbert: Wally, I want you to create a new business strategy for the company. Then use your laptop in a coffee shop that has public access to wi-fi. Hackers will get into your computer in minutes and steal your strategy document. With any luck, the hackers will sell those secrets to our competitors. Obviously, we would never use any strategy you created, so our competitors will be misled. Wally: So... you want me to do a bad job on an assignment and then go drink coffee? Boss: Can you handle that? Wally: I like my odds. Dilbert: Why do you want a copy of our business strategy? Wally: It'll save a step.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2014's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #introductions, #name recall, #memory, #remember imporatance, #forgetful, #insignificant

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Randy: Hey, Dilbert. We met last week. Dilbert: We did? I only try to remember things that might be important. Everything else I flush. Randy: My name is Randy. Dilbert: *flush*

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #can't memorize names, #handshake, #simultaneously, #names, #introductions

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Randy: Hi. I'm Randy. Dilbert: I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time. Randy: It's Randy. Dilbert; Don't even bother. Seriously.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2014's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #friendship, #remember, #memory, #dressed as clown, #funerals, #told everyone, #keep things light, #relationships

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Dilbert: Experts say I can improve my likeability by showing that I remember things that people have told me. For example, there was the time you said you always go to funerals dressed as a clown to keep things light. Ted: I never said that! Dilbert: Are you sure? I told everyone you did.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2014's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #deception, #insincere compliments, #make likable, #didn't spill, #no change

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Dilbert: I read that using people's names and giving insincere compliments will make me likeable. Good job pouring that coffee, Wally. You didn't spill a drop. Wally: I don't feel any different. Dilbert: Maybe the problem is on your end.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #travel budget freeze, #technical problems, #fiancail targets, #satisfying customers, #sounds bad, #said outloud, #business

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Dilbert: I need an exception to the travel budget freeze so I can fix an important customer's technical problem. Boss: No, because arbitrary financial targets are more important than satisfying customers. Wait... why does that sound bad when I say it out lout? Dilbert: If it makes you feel better, I wasn't listening.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2014's comic on:


Tags #big business, #money, #obliviousness, #travel budget, #business travel, #long term profitability, #budget frozen

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Boss: The travel budget is frozen so we can meet our income estimates for this quarter. Dilbert: Is that because all business travel is a waste of time or because we no longer care about long-term profitability? Take as long as you need. Boss: Um...