May 2018 Comic Strips - Page 1
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Character
Thursday May 31,
2018
Employees Who Don't Want Money
Tags motivation, money, optimism, ambition
Transcript
Boss: I don't want employees who are motivated by money. I want true believers who are trying to make the world a better place. Wally: Those people sound crazy. Dilbert: Can you warn us if you see one?
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday May 30,
2018
Arguing With Idiots
Tags happiness, secret, tip, arguing, psychology
Transcript
Asok: Wally, how do you stay happy while the rest of us are stressed out? Wally: It's easy. Instead of arguing with idiots, I pretend I agree with them so they'll leave me alone. Asok: That sounds risky. Wally: Yes, I agree.
Tuesday May 29,
2018
Wife Versus Wifi
Tags typo, overreaction, wife, wi-fi, offense, relationships
Transcript
CEO: I want you to fire Dilbert for insulting my wife in his slide deck. Boss: The presentation was about wi-fi, not your wife. CEO: In my defense, they're both spotty.
Monday May 28,
2018
Wifi In Slide Deck
Tags credibility, typo, spelling, assumption, ignorance, obliviousness
Transcript
CEO: I can't take you seriously because there's a typo in your slide deck. You've lost all credibility because of your sloppy presentation. And don't mention my wife in your slide deck. Dilbert: That's "wi-fi."
Sunday May 27,
2018
Tags manipulation, fear, tactic, ignorance, jargon, language
Transcript
Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!
Saturday May 26,
2018
Spittle
Friday May 25,
2018
Bossercize
Tags exercise, personal trainer, fitness, bossercise, criticism, managers, health
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert The Personal Trainer. Dogbert: I invented a fitness routine I call Bossercise. It mostly involves strutting around the office and criticizing people. Boss: You incompetent fool! Dogbert: Give me twenty more reps.
Thursday May 24,
2018
Boring And Needy Children
Tags parents, mother, interview, children, annoyance, work-life balance, Family
Transcript
Boss: Do you enjoy spending time with your children? Woman: No, they're boring and needy. They can't even hold a conversation. If I'm being honest, I prefer working long hours so I see less of them. Boss: Perfect. You're hired. Woman: I mean, I love them, but I don't like them.
Wednesday May 23,
2018
Idea Stealing
Tuesday May 22,
2018
Second Opinion
Tags clarification, confusion, instructions, leadership, boss, flake
Transcript
Dilbert: Yesterday I asked for clarification on my assignment. But your clarification sounded nothing like the original assignment. Boss: Sometimes it's good to get a second opinion. Dilbert: Not from the same person.

