May 2018 Comic Strips - Page 1

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Employees Who Don't Want Money

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Employees Who Don't Want Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, money, optimism, ambition

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Boss: I don't want employees who are motivated by money. I want true believers who are trying to make the world a better place. Wally: Those people sound crazy. Dilbert: Can you warn us if you see one?

Arguing With Idiots

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Arguing With Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags happiness, secret, tip, arguing, psychology

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Asok: Wally, how do you stay happy while the rest of us are stressed out? Wally: It's easy. Instead of arguing with idiots, I pretend I agree with them so they'll leave me alone. Asok: That sounds risky. Wally: Yes, I agree.

Wife Versus Wifi

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Wife Versus Wifi - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags typo, overreaction, wife, wi-fi, offense, relationships

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CEO: I want you to fire Dilbert for insulting my wife in his slide deck. Boss: The presentation was about wi-fi, not your wife. CEO: In my defense, they're both spotty.

Wifi In Slide Deck

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Wifi In Slide Deck  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags credibility, typo, spelling, assumption, ignorance, obliviousness

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CEO: I can't take you seriously because there's a typo in your slide deck. You've lost all credibility because of your sloppy presentation. And don't mention my wife in your slide deck. Dilbert: That's "wi-fi."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manipulation, fear, tactic, ignorance, jargon, language

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Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

Spittle

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Spittle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags exercise, fitness, fad, bossercise, yelling, criticism, managers, health

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Boss: If you need me, I'll be Bossercizing. Carol: What? Boss: It's a combination of walking around and spittle-yelling at underperformers. Carol: Is the spittle part necessary? Boss: Thhtop queth-tioning me!!!

Bossercize

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Bossercize - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags exercise, personal trainer, fitness, bossercise, criticism, managers, health

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Narrator: Dogbert The Personal Trainer. Dogbert: I invented a fitness routine I call Bossercise. It mostly involves strutting around the office and criticizing people. Boss: You incompetent fool! Dogbert: Give me twenty more reps.

Boring And Needy Children

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Boring And Needy Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags parents, mother, interview, children, annoyance, work-life balance, Family

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Boss: Do you enjoy spending time with your children? Woman: No, they're boring and needy. They can't even hold a conversation. If I'm being honest, I prefer working long hours so I see less of them. Boss: Perfect. You're hired. Woman: I mean, I love them, but I don't like them.

Idea Stealing

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Idea Stealing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags idea, manager, credit

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Boss: What does everyone think of my idea? Dilbert: I suggested that same idea last week and you said it was terrible. Boss: Your idea was totally different because it involved you getting the credit.

Second Opinion

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Second Opinion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags clarification, confusion, instructions, leadership, boss, flake

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Dilbert: Yesterday I asked for clarification on my assignment. But your clarification sounded nothing like the original assignment. Boss: Sometimes it's good to get a second opinion. Dilbert: Not from the same person.