May 2005 Comic Strips - Page 2

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new guy, punch back, stress hump, karate chop

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The New Guy "Hey, new guy, that's quite a stress hump you have there maybe I can fix it." "Punch Yaaa!!" "Wow!! It's gone! Does that always work?" "I dunno. To be honest, I just wanted to punch it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stress hump, goes away, all in mind

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Could I have a few days off to see if my stress hump goes away? The boss: "Stress is all in your mind. I should fire you and your hump right now for even asking!" Dilbert: "Just because he said no?" new guy: "It was the way he said it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags practical vehicle, environement, 40 tons, owls for fuel

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SALE The boss: "I'm looking for a practical vehicle that's also good for the environment." "I recommend the envirocrusher-4. It weights 40 tons and it uses owls for fuel." The Boss: "Where I would I get that many owls?" "The engine noise stuns them. You just them up off the ground."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dilbert.com, owls for fuel, new suv, good idea, start breeding owls

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The Boss: My new SUV uses owls for fuel. It seemed like a good idea but now I can't find enough owls. Carol: "You'll have to start your own owls." The boss: "That's what I figured." The Hilarious conclusion to this comic has been deemed offensive, If you must know how it ends, go to dilbert.com

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags accounting depot, travlke expeses, copies of receipts, need originals

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The Accounting Department "I can't process your travel expenses because you sent me copies of receipt. I need the originals." "I'm busy. Just fax them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags no budeget, give raisem, business trip las vegas, four million, bathrub, flooded five floors, bartenders

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The Boss: "Don't blame me, but there's no budget to give you a raise this year." Alice: "Why not?" The boss: "My business trip to Las Vegas cost four million dollars because I passed out in the bathtub with the water running and flooded five floors." The boss; "The bartenders there are totally irresponsible."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags important, month to fisnish, last minute, unreasonable deadline, freaky part

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"Asok, this is important but you have month to finish it." Asok: "I'll start right away." Wally: "It's smarter to wait until the last minute and then make a big show of how harding you're woring to meet the unreasonable deadline." Asok: "You said that right in front of him." Wally: "It's still work that's the freaky part"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags leadership succession plan, freeze hiring, staff, pormotion, bad idea

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Catbert: "You have to have a leadership succession plan." "There's a freeze on hiring, so you'll have to pick someone from your staff." Alice: "So, if something horrible happened to you, I'd get a promotion?" The boss: "This was a bad idea."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags medical procedure, attractive to opposite sex, remove body part, sounds painful

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There's a medical procedure that will make you more attractive to the opposite sex. "The doctors would remove part of your body and replace them with the parts from an attractive guy." "It sounds painful." "Not if you do it all at once."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, help balancing, personal life, no love, sound sunhealthy, pill crybaby, business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. "I need help balancing my career with my personal life." "I recommend a book called "No one will ever love you." It'll crush your hope for a personal life and free up more time for work." "That sounds unhealthy." "Take a pill, crybaby."