May 2016 Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Company Policy About Dating

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Company Policy About Dating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, relationships, office romance, policy, legal issues, human resources, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Rumor has it that you are dating a co-worker named Loud Howard. Company policy requires you to register your lustful feelings with our legal department. Lawyer: Okay, I think we have you covered, but the stapling phase will sting a little.

Complexity Is A Good Thing For Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Complexity Is A Good Thing For Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, inventions, scapegoat, excuse, laziness, work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: People say the complexity of modern life is a bad thing. But for useless people such as me, it creates endless opportunities. Boss: Why aren't you done yet? Wally: My smartwatch was infected with ransomware.

Wally's Lateness Excuse

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Lateness Excuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, excuse, lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why are you two hours late for work? Wally: Your wife didn't want to bother you, so she called me and asked if I would go to your house and see if she left her curling iron plugged in. Do you believe me, or do you want to risk being the first person she calls next time. Boss: Well played.

It's Hard To Be A Misunderstood Genius

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
It's Hard To Be A Misunderstood Genius - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags genius, intelligence, misunderstood

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: It's hard to be a misunderstood genius. CEO: I have no idea what you're talking about. Wally: See?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags expectations, unrealistic, project, group, laziness, prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When do you expect to finish your project? Dilbert: Never. Boss: That's your plan? Dilbert: No, my plan is to be done in a week. You asked me what I expect. I base my expectations on the quality of people you assigned to my project without asking my opinion. The time-wasters outnumber the productive people on the team by three to one. Under that scenario, plus your total lack of leadership, the world will end before this project does. Boss: Then why is your plan to be done in a week? Dilbert: Because you don't like it when I tell the truth. Boss: Let's compromise on two weeks. Dilbert: Can we set those two weeks on auto-renew?

Coworkers Hate Wally For Some Reason

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Coworkers Hate Wally For Some Reason - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses, ego, conceited, productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My co-workers don't take me seriously because I'm so good looking. And I think they hate me for my brilliant mind. All I know is that they hate me. So if I seem unproductive, it's because of my beauty and brilliance.

Boss Figures Out A System

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Figures Out A System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags management, managing, problems, work, workload, solution, problem-solving

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm bored. Boss: Here's some more work. Alice: I'm overwhelmed with work. Boss: Here's some more work. Boss: Managing was hard until I figured out a system.

When Wally Will Be Finished

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
When Wally Will Be Finished - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, soon, deadline, procrastination, standoff

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: Can you get that done by Friday? Wally: I'll get back to you on that. Woman: When will you get back to me? Wally: Soon. Woman: How soon? Wally: I can do this all day.

Wally The Thought Leader

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally The Thought Leader - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags title, leadership, work ethic, laziness, strategy, ruse

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Wally, can you help me... Wally: Whoa! Stop right there. I'm a thought leader, not some wage slave. Man: What do thought leaders do? Wally: You're watching it.

Wally Sees Tina On Tinder

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Sees Tina On Tinder - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags tinder, dating, online dating, attraction, awkward, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Hey, I saw you on Tinder. Tina: Please don't say anything else. Please don't say anything else. Wally: I swiped left. Tina: Gaaa!