May 2018 Comic Strips - Page 2
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Character
Monday May 21,
2018
Two People Named Tina
Tags nickname, name, insult, name-calling
Transcript
Boss: We have two people named Tina at this meeting. To avoid any confusion, I will be assigning them nicknames. Carol: Who did that to you? Boss: Big Tina.
Sunday May 20,
2018
Tags intelligence, aspirations, relationships, betterment, warren buffett
Transcript
Asok: Warren Buffett says you should spent time with people who are better than you. Alice: Why would people who are better than me be dumb enough to spend time with me? Asok: Well... I assume you have to find people who are better than you, but not smart enough to avoid you. Because, obviously, you'd be bringing down the average of anyone who was better than you. Which reminds me, I need to cut this meeting short to keep my average up. Dilbert: Maybe we can continue the meeting without him. Alice: That would only be good for you. I need to find better people. Dilbert: The meeting went downhill from there. Dogbert: Can you wrap this up? You're bringing down my average.
Saturday May 19,
2018
We Are Family
Tags business, Family, relationships, parents, leadership
Transcript
Boss: I think of all of you as family. Wally: That's dumb. Boss: You'll never amount to anything. Wally: Mommy?
Friday May 18,
2018
Stress Balls
Tags stress, frustration, stress ball
Transcript
Catbert: I bought stress balls for everyone in the office. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! This ball is too hard to squeeze! It's stressing me out! How is this going to decrease my stress? Catbert: You're thinking of anti-stress balls.
Thursday May 17,
2018
Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team
Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses
Transcript
Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.
Wednesday May 16,
2018
Facial Recognition Software
Tags facial recognition, stupid, insult, obliviousness, prototype, intelligence
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm designing a device that uses facial recognition to detect stupidity. I need your help creating the pattern-recognition algorithm. Boss: What do you need me to do? Dilbert: Look straight ahead and smile.
Tuesday May 15,
2018
Do Not Implicate Boss
Tags sick, sickness, illness, contagious, deadline, responsibility, accountability, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: My project is two weeks late because you came to work two weeks ago and gave me the flu. Boss: Do you have any excuses that don't implicate me as the main problem? Dilbert: How about I say I didn't feel motivated and leave it otherwise vague? Boss: I can work with that.
Monday May 14,
2018
Boss Comes To Work Sick
Tags sick, sickness, illness, contagious, sick days, medical
Transcript
Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.
Sunday May 13,
2018
Tags berating, yelling, gaslight, temper, anger, frustration
Transcript
Asok: What's that gadget? Woman: Are you freakin' serious? Asok: Yes. Woman: Oh... My... God. Do you not remember the long discussion about this thing in the last meeting? Are you trying to gaslight me? I have not patience for trolls! Eat dirt and die! Asok: I joined the project today. This is my first meeting. Woman: Liar! Dilbert: Welcome to the team.
Saturday May 12,
2018
Purchasing Did Not Order Part
Tags delays, excuses, laziness, work ethic, scapegoat, deadline, delay
Transcript
Wally: The purchasing department rejected my request for a key system part because of a typo on their form. But they didn't tell me for three months, so now my product launch will be delayed by that much. Boss: But they finally ordered the part? Wally: I call that unknowable.
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